sometimes i find myself in a flurry of too many thoughts. i feel like my mind is pulling me in so many directions, trying to make sense of my life...but i get so overwhelmed and just end up stagnant, doing the same things everyday.
at what point does it become easier to make sense of all these dreams? these ambitions? i sometimes feel like i need a sign from the stars that will just tell me which pathway to take, so i can stop stressing about it. i found myself in a full blown panic attack the other night, complete with nausea and the shakes...it was as if my whole body just short-circuited and shut down. i have analyzed the heck out of my life in the following days...and do you know what life altering decision i ended up making? abosolute nothing.
i realized that it is okay to be confused. that the world will not end if i dont decide by Labour Day what career path i should take. i need to take a personal inventory, play around with a few ideas, and maybe at that point things will be a little clearer. who knows, by this time next year i may be in new zealand working as a divemaster. i may be out in BC working in a winery, gathering the tools to perhaps one day open my own. perhaps i will be selling some of my photos to lonely planet or national geograpahic. or maybe i will be sitting at this same computer on this uncomfortable wooden stool making a living writing about my future nervous breakdowns. and you know, maybe i will even enjoy it!
so until then, pardon me if i bombard you with uncertainties and pipedreams. is that not what life is all about anyhow? maybe the most exciting thing to look forward to, is not knowing at all.
xox
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