so, here's the thing....doing it "on my own" is not going so well.
i don't have the money to start up my WW etools again, or go to meetings, so i am going to have to figure out a different way of doing it on my own.
i can go back to counting points, as i still have my slider from 11 years ago - but i am a terrible journaller, and i don't know if WW is the answer for me right now.
but what *IS* the answer? leaving myself to my own devices is definitely not the answer either. in the last week i have consumed brownies (that C baked with accidently twice as much butter as the recipe called for), ice cream, an amazingly delicious but huge burger and fries at Montana's, an ice cream sandwich, virtually no fruit or vegetables and a couple of cheese buns with a large amount of non-lean luncheon meat.
i know once we have some good groceries in the house (we are down to Mother Hubbard's Cupboard right now), things will be easier. i am trying to convince myself to have a salad for lunch at least 3 days a week (with some protein on it) and salad for dinner on those other nights. i will keep up with my cottage cheese breakfasts, and then dinner will just be a simple protein/veg/sometimes starch combo. sounds do-able, but my brain does not always agree.
i am just sick of feeling like a slug, and this last week i have. i feel extra fat. i just did WATP, and it seemed more challenging than it did lastweek because my blood is trying to glug through my butter laden veins. Oi.
so, my friends - here we go again.
Tuesday, June 08, 2010
Friday, June 04, 2010
getting there
the upside to today is: i actually DID the 'Walk Away the Pounds - 2 mile' course today.
the not-so-upside: i followed it with a big pasta lunch and a half cup of chocolate chips.
i feel icky.
the not-so-upside: i followed it with a big pasta lunch and a half cup of chocolate chips.
i feel icky.
Thursday, June 03, 2010
238 days.
feeling a little down today, and not sure why.
i feel like a crappy travel agent, a crappy friend, and a crappy aspiring frugalista.
sure, it is raining and gloomy which can get some people down, but i love the rain and i also love wallowing in my own poopiness - so it is a good mood setter.
i wont get into the nitty gritty details, but i just feel like i have failed a few people, a few goals and a few ideals.
eating has been okay lately. i made homemade pizzas lastnight, and actually prided myself on my self control. i used to make a pizza dough recipe and use the whole thing for one pizza, and then eat half of that large pizza on my own. that is 1/2 of a large dough recipe in my belly.
lastnight i made 2 thincrust pizzas out of the same recipe, and i ate 1/3 of one pizza. that is 1/6 of the dough instead of 1/2! go me!
i have also been trying to get myself up and moving. there is no reason i can't do a Walk Away The Pounds video on my laptop down here in my office instead of surfing Perez Hilton and Facebook all day. or how about i go for a walk in the afternoon. or how about i do The Shred when i finish up work for the day. so many possibilities for movement and activity, and instead - i sit here. boo.
the wedding is in 238 days, and i sure as hell ain't gonna weight 240 pounds. but i sure as hell ain't doing anything about it.
must. get. moving.
i feel like a crappy travel agent, a crappy friend, and a crappy aspiring frugalista.
sure, it is raining and gloomy which can get some people down, but i love the rain and i also love wallowing in my own poopiness - so it is a good mood setter.
i wont get into the nitty gritty details, but i just feel like i have failed a few people, a few goals and a few ideals.
eating has been okay lately. i made homemade pizzas lastnight, and actually prided myself on my self control. i used to make a pizza dough recipe and use the whole thing for one pizza, and then eat half of that large pizza on my own. that is 1/2 of a large dough recipe in my belly.
lastnight i made 2 thincrust pizzas out of the same recipe, and i ate 1/3 of one pizza. that is 1/6 of the dough instead of 1/2! go me!
i have also been trying to get myself up and moving. there is no reason i can't do a Walk Away The Pounds video on my laptop down here in my office instead of surfing Perez Hilton and Facebook all day. or how about i go for a walk in the afternoon. or how about i do The Shred when i finish up work for the day. so many possibilities for movement and activity, and instead - i sit here. boo.
the wedding is in 238 days, and i sure as hell ain't gonna weight 240 pounds. but i sure as hell ain't doing anything about it.
must. get. moving.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
...and BREATHE.
camping was fan-diddly-tastic!
i love the fresh air, the water, the trees, the mountains, the meat on a stick, the grizzly bears roaming the campground.....oh wait, scratch that last one.
i didn't get to see them them with my own eyeballs, but everyone else sure did. there were several GRIZZLY BEARS wandering around our campground this weekend, some as close as 25 feet from our tent. i was stressed for most of the weekend, and we were all on edge, constantly looking around us - but we survived.
it definitely won't stop me from going back to gorgeous K Country, but i need to not think about bears for a while before going again!
i ate a lot of crap this weekend, but i didn't eat a ton in general. sure, i had bacon and eggs for breakfast, many smokies on a stick, some Turkish Kofte (mini hamburger patty type things) and chips....oh and a 3 litre box of wine....but i wasn't out of control.
i was puffy when i got home (i stopped taking my blood pressure meds/diuretic so i wouldn't have to pee in the middle of the bear infested night), and have had some wierd indigestion/heartburn from all of the meat and stuff.....but am getting back into my regular scheduled healthier eating.
i will be happy to stay the same at weigh in on Friday since last week was such a great loss (i don't think i posted about that)...so we shall see.
i love the fresh air, the water, the trees, the mountains, the meat on a stick, the grizzly bears roaming the campground.....oh wait, scratch that last one.
i didn't get to see them them with my own eyeballs, but everyone else sure did. there were several GRIZZLY BEARS wandering around our campground this weekend, some as close as 25 feet from our tent. i was stressed for most of the weekend, and we were all on edge, constantly looking around us - but we survived.
it definitely won't stop me from going back to gorgeous K Country, but i need to not think about bears for a while before going again!
i ate a lot of crap this weekend, but i didn't eat a ton in general. sure, i had bacon and eggs for breakfast, many smokies on a stick, some Turkish Kofte (mini hamburger patty type things) and chips....oh and a 3 litre box of wine....but i wasn't out of control.
i was puffy when i got home (i stopped taking my blood pressure meds/diuretic so i wouldn't have to pee in the middle of the bear infested night), and have had some wierd indigestion/heartburn from all of the meat and stuff.....but am getting back into my regular scheduled healthier eating.
i will be happy to stay the same at weigh in on Friday since last week was such a great loss (i don't think i posted about that)...so we shall see.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
yeee-hawww!
i want a pair of cowboy boots. i live in Cowtown now, this should be allowed.
i love love love the sundress and cowboy boot look and i would love to get away with it.
...and she who does it all so well, Taylor Swift. she may not be able to sing, but the girl can dress!
i may take what she has and run with it...my new fashion inspiration:
Monday, May 17, 2010
lions and tigers and BEARS - oh my!
well hello there. so sorry for the delay, but one cannot update one's blog when one is stuffing food into one's face for weeks on end.
in actuality, it has been a lovely few weeks - if you ask anyone but the scale.
in a last minute decision i ended up going back home to ontario to surprise my mom for Mother's day! it was abosolutely fabulous, and the look on her face was absolutely priceless! i have never seen her so shocked. it was wonderful! we also went to visit my 86 year old grandma (who lives in a home) on Mother's Day and she was thrilled as well. she can't see very well (macular degeneration), but as soon as she heard my voice and saw my shape move into the room her jaw dropped. she said so many times that it was the best day of her life and she will never forget it. it just warms my heart and i feel so good about my decision to go home.
me, grandma, my sister and my mom
so i stayed in ontario from saturday - wednesday and it was a nice little reprieve. i hadn't seen my mom and sister for a long time and it was great to spend some time together!
i arrived back home on wednesday and half heartedly got back into work. i am still not loving how things are going with work right now, but am working towards getting some advertising going. i think in order to really love my job, i need to get into some niche market that i love. whether it be arranging wine tours, or trips into the mountains...or god-forbid, destination weddings.....i need something more than sending people to minneapolis for business. i will think on that.
right now what is keeping me busy and happy is getting ready for the first camping trip of the season! because of a ridiculous long weekend liquor ban at most provincial campsites, we are trying someplace new and are going to a fairly back country campsite at Kananaskis Lake.
the sites look absolutely gorgeous. they are heavily treed, right on the lake with mountain views. HEAVEN!
we are meeting our good friends H&S who are still back in Fort McMurray, as they are always our camping partners and we will have a grand time!
i am a little nervous at the beginning of each camping season as it is usually cold (it almost always snows in the mountains) and the bears are hungry. i have never actually seen a bear on our camping excursions, but i have an irrational fear of getting mauled. so, in order to combat my fear, i am reading a non fiction book on bears called "Grizzlyville", which surprisingly is making me feel a bit more educated and less scared. granted, there are some awful mauling stories in the book, but a few statistics always leave me feeling a little better. out of 750 000 black bears in Canada, there are "only" three bear related deaths per year. compare that to the fact that 1 out of 50 000 humans have committed murder*
*i am not sure where this stat came from, and if it is factual, but let's just pretend it is, because it makes me feel better.
soooo....the sleeping bags are washed, the tent is airing out in the sunny backyard, and i am stoked. let the summery fun begin!!
Friday, May 07, 2010
seriously now.
well, yesterday had a little Good Day/Bad Day action going on.
the day started well, when i woke up and it felt like my cold was almost gone! my throat wasn't all coated and my nose wasn't all stuffy - score! ..but then, after a few minutes of being mobile, the stuffiness came back - with a cough! lovely.
so after a gloriously hot shower, i went down to my office with tea in hand, and promptly won 2 tickets to the David Gray concert on the 17th! i love my radio station. i got a $50 gift card AND concert tickets within a couple of weeks. sweet.
i had pondered a little yesterday about possibly going home to surprise my mom for Mother's Day. i get fairly inexpensive Air Canada passes (my dad worked for AC for 43 years), so i thought i could swing it. but alas, it was $200 that was better spent elsewhere, so i abandoned the idea. i casually brought up the idea to my sister and she thought that Mom really needed a pick-me-up and offered to pay for half of the flight home! so off to Ontario i go tomorrow!
the last time i saw my mom was 9 months ago during a stopover on the way home from Turkey. that was only for an hour. before that, i saw her for a day about a year and a half ago! i miss her. she will be totally thrilled and i can't wait to spend some time with her! this also means i get to see my sister (and her new fiancé i haven't met yet) and my best friend and her new baby!! HURRAY all around!
so i hop on a flight tomorrow morning and am giddy about it. i want to look super cute, as i am still very self conscious about my newly huge size around my family, so off i went to Superstore to pick out a couple of cute Joe items.
i was there shopping, with a few items in hand, just minding my own business. i stopped to look at some tshirts and this large oldergentleman man came up behind me and very matter-of-factly said, "Those are too small for you."
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? WHO SAYS THAT?? who decides that it is okay to go up to a complete stranger in a store and basically tell them that they are too fat to be looking at clothes there. seriously now. i was shocked. i didn't know what to say or do. i stood there, silent, and didn't even turn around to look at him. i said "Huh."...becuase that was the only thing i could manage. and off he shuffled.
at this time, of course, i thought of a bajillion different comebacks for him from, "Thanks for the tip, DOUCHEBAG" to "I don't believe i asked for your opinion, ASSHOLE".. *sigh* .. it was not a good moment. but i didn't let him ruin my day, and went off to the changeroom to try on a few items, ALL OF WHICH FIT, thankyouverymuch. and i even ended up buying a couple of cute peasant tops.
my heart was beating hard and there may of been steam coming out of my ears, but i pulled myself together, finished my shop, and went back home to the man who loves me.
the day started well, when i woke up and it felt like my cold was almost gone! my throat wasn't all coated and my nose wasn't all stuffy - score! ..but then, after a few minutes of being mobile, the stuffiness came back - with a cough! lovely.
so after a gloriously hot shower, i went down to my office with tea in hand, and promptly won 2 tickets to the David Gray concert on the 17th! i love my radio station. i got a $50 gift card AND concert tickets within a couple of weeks. sweet.
i had pondered a little yesterday about possibly going home to surprise my mom for Mother's Day. i get fairly inexpensive Air Canada passes (my dad worked for AC for 43 years), so i thought i could swing it. but alas, it was $200 that was better spent elsewhere, so i abandoned the idea. i casually brought up the idea to my sister and she thought that Mom really needed a pick-me-up and offered to pay for half of the flight home! so off to Ontario i go tomorrow!
the last time i saw my mom was 9 months ago during a stopover on the way home from Turkey. that was only for an hour. before that, i saw her for a day about a year and a half ago! i miss her. she will be totally thrilled and i can't wait to spend some time with her! this also means i get to see my sister (and her new fiancé i haven't met yet) and my best friend and her new baby!! HURRAY all around!
so i hop on a flight tomorrow morning and am giddy about it. i want to look super cute, as i am still very self conscious about my newly huge size around my family, so off i went to Superstore to pick out a couple of cute Joe items.
i was there shopping, with a few items in hand, just minding my own business. i stopped to look at some tshirts and this large older
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? WHO SAYS THAT?? who decides that it is okay to go up to a complete stranger in a store and basically tell them that they are too fat to be looking at clothes there. seriously now. i was shocked. i didn't know what to say or do. i stood there, silent, and didn't even turn around to look at him. i said "Huh."...becuase that was the only thing i could manage. and off he shuffled.
at this time, of course, i thought of a bajillion different comebacks for him from, "Thanks for the tip, DOUCHEBAG" to "I don't believe i asked for your opinion, ASSHOLE".. *sigh* .. it was not a good moment. but i didn't let him ruin my day, and went off to the changeroom to try on a few items, ALL OF WHICH FIT, thankyouverymuch. and i even ended up buying a couple of cute peasant tops.
my heart was beating hard and there may of been steam coming out of my ears, but i pulled myself together, finished my shop, and went back home to the man who loves me.
Wednesday, May 05, 2010
*sniffle*cough*snort*whine*
excuse my lack of posting but with all of this snow on the ground, i thought that maybe we had gone back in time to DECEMBER and i didn't even have a blog back then!
it is pretty gross outside. snow, in may. these are the days where i just want to cuddle under a blanket with some tea and arrowroot cookies. AND.... i'm sick. just a little sick. but i NEVER get sick (it has been more than 3 years). so when i am sick, i am whiny.
nothing too extraordinary to report though. my eating has been mediocre. i have decided to give points-counting a bit of a break, and have been trying to just eat heathy foods in normal portions. *gasp* a shocking concept, i know! it is going okay, except for the belly full of whole wheat pasta and mozza i have going on right now. it is comfort food, cut me some slack.
i have been seriously pondering (instead of only half-assedly pondering) joining a gym. i have spent the last month looking into Aquafit classes (i realllllly want to do this), but everything just seems to expensive and too far away from my house for me to actually do it. if it isn't convenient, i ain't going.
but low and behold, C just found out from his coworker, that the Gold's gym that is less than 10 minutes from my house has a pool AND Aquafit classes!! hurrayyy!! this is a brand new 32,000 sqft facility with the largest cardio area in Western Canada. can you say, yes please? this is a full service gym, and i think it might be reasonably priced. i have even found some folks on kijiji looking to transfer memberships out that are even cheaper than what they are charging now. so i think we shall look into this. a treadmill, a pool, and a tanning facility (yes i know it is bad for me, but i love it), that's all i need. i will let you know how this pans out.
as the one year anniversary of my engagement rapidly approaches, i am thinking it is time to try on some wedding dresses. i thought by this time i would be down 80lbs and stoked to go try some dresses on, but instead, being down only 20 - it is not something i am looking forward to. on a wedding forum i frequent, someone said that i shouldn't wait until i have lost the weight to try on dresses, but to try on the dresses now, in hopes that THAT will make me want to lose weight. that, or make me ragingly homocidal, i guess. i will give it a go.
i am so, fully, completely, ridiculously excited that camping season is almost upon us. the long weekend is only 17 sleeps away and i am raring to go! i have spent the last couple of days researching new campgrounds to check out and that has made me even more excited. sadly, the majority of them are either fully booked, or have an alcohol ban in place for every single long weekend. c'mon now, i am a responsible, mature, semi-alcoholic and i like to drink boxed wine around the campfire. don't penalize me for that!
so...we are going into the back country and are REALLY roughing it. no flush toilets, no showers. just us, the mountains, the river, and a hole in the ground. BRING IT ON! we are going to be dirty. we are going to be cold. but we will have a blast, i'm sure. i am just hoping it doesn't snow like the last two times we went camping. please mother nature - work with us here.
it is pretty gross outside. snow, in may. these are the days where i just want to cuddle under a blanket with some tea and arrowroot cookies. AND.... i'm sick. just a little sick. but i NEVER get sick (it has been more than 3 years). so when i am sick, i am whiny.
nothing too extraordinary to report though. my eating has been mediocre. i have decided to give points-counting a bit of a break, and have been trying to just eat heathy foods in normal portions. *gasp* a shocking concept, i know! it is going okay, except for the belly full of whole wheat pasta and mozza i have going on right now. it is comfort food, cut me some slack.
i have been seriously pondering (instead of only half-assedly pondering) joining a gym. i have spent the last month looking into Aquafit classes (i realllllly want to do this), but everything just seems to expensive and too far away from my house for me to actually do it. if it isn't convenient, i ain't going.
but low and behold, C just found out from his coworker, that the Gold's gym that is less than 10 minutes from my house has a pool AND Aquafit classes!! hurrayyy!! this is a brand new 32,000 sqft facility with the largest cardio area in Western Canada. can you say, yes please? this is a full service gym, and i think it might be reasonably priced. i have even found some folks on kijiji looking to transfer memberships out that are even cheaper than what they are charging now. so i think we shall look into this. a treadmill, a pool, and a tanning facility (yes i know it is bad for me, but i love it), that's all i need. i will let you know how this pans out.
as the one year anniversary of my engagement rapidly approaches, i am thinking it is time to try on some wedding dresses. i thought by this time i would be down 80lbs and stoked to go try some dresses on, but instead, being down only 20 - it is not something i am looking forward to. on a wedding forum i frequent, someone said that i shouldn't wait until i have lost the weight to try on dresses, but to try on the dresses now, in hopes that THAT will make me want to lose weight. that, or make me ragingly homocidal, i guess. i will give it a go.
i am so, fully, completely, ridiculously excited that camping season is almost upon us. the long weekend is only 17 sleeps away and i am raring to go! i have spent the last couple of days researching new campgrounds to check out and that has made me even more excited. sadly, the majority of them are either fully booked, or have an alcohol ban in place for every single long weekend. c'mon now, i am a responsible, mature, semi-alcoholic and i like to drink boxed wine around the campfire. don't penalize me for that!
so...we are going into the back country and are REALLY roughing it. no flush toilets, no showers. just us, the mountains, the river, and a hole in the ground. BRING IT ON! we are going to be dirty. we are going to be cold. but we will have a blast, i'm sure. i am just hoping it doesn't snow like the last two times we went camping. please mother nature - work with us here.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Non Scale Victory
..instead of having a Jumbo Freezie, i had a glass of Crystal Lite.
that is all.
go me :)
that is all.
go me :)
*deep breath out*
so, i went for some bloodwork on Saturday as the doctor wanted to check out a few things. i got a call lastnight to say the doctor wanted to see me.
it startled me a bit, as i am used to lab results taking over a week to process..so i got in the car and went right to the walk-in clinic to get my results. having to wait 2 hours sure beats worrying about it for days.
so many possibilities were running through my head: pregnancy, fertility problems, PCOS, kidney problems...as the doc tested for a wide range of things.
turns out, it is just my old thyroid. i am on meds, but apprently they just need to be upped - phew! hopefully this increase in meds will help out the weight loss efforts a bit, as i feel like my weight hasn't budged in so long (even when i am completely OP).
i have to go back for more bloodwork at the end of june, to make sure that the increase in my dose was sufficient. nothing to worry about at all!
phew!
it startled me a bit, as i am used to lab results taking over a week to process..so i got in the car and went right to the walk-in clinic to get my results. having to wait 2 hours sure beats worrying about it for days.
so many possibilities were running through my head: pregnancy, fertility problems, PCOS, kidney problems...as the doc tested for a wide range of things.
turns out, it is just my old thyroid. i am on meds, but apprently they just need to be upped - phew! hopefully this increase in meds will help out the weight loss efforts a bit, as i feel like my weight hasn't budged in so long (even when i am completely OP).
i have to go back for more bloodwork at the end of june, to make sure that the increase in my dose was sufficient. nothing to worry about at all!
phew!
Monday, April 26, 2010
..a little ray of sunshine
so here we are on Monday. my points reset on Friday, and i am already at -7 for my weekly points.
it's gonna be one of THOSE weeks, is it?
we ate out and ate too much crap on the weekend, so i know where i went wrong. from shawarma and roasted poatatoes to pho and springrolls - i just went overboard.
you would think i would be raring to go to earn myself some activity points to counteract this deficit, but i am not. you would think i would be planning a low point dinner as to not further damage my points count, but i am not. you would think i would just pour the already opened bottle of wine down the drain since i don't have the points for it anyhow, but i will not.
i am not good at saying NO to myself, unless it involves something that is actually good for me, it seems. i suck.
in non-weight loss news...my wedding invitations came in the mail today. they are a little ghetto. i know i took the risk going through a discount type company, but i am a little disappointed. they will get the job done, i just hope i am not judged poorly for them. they are pretty, the finishes are just lacking. when you go into wedding planning with a non existant budget, these things happen.
..at this rate i am not even going to fit into a wedding dress. smarten up, pamela.
it's gonna be one of THOSE weeks, is it?
we ate out and ate too much crap on the weekend, so i know where i went wrong. from shawarma and roasted poatatoes to pho and springrolls - i just went overboard.
you would think i would be raring to go to earn myself some activity points to counteract this deficit, but i am not. you would think i would be planning a low point dinner as to not further damage my points count, but i am not. you would think i would just pour the already opened bottle of wine down the drain since i don't have the points for it anyhow, but i will not.
i am not good at saying NO to myself, unless it involves something that is actually good for me, it seems. i suck.
in non-weight loss news...my wedding invitations came in the mail today. they are a little ghetto. i know i took the risk going through a discount type company, but i am a little disappointed. they will get the job done, i just hope i am not judged poorly for them. they are pretty, the finishes are just lacking. when you go into wedding planning with a non existant budget, these things happen.
..at this rate i am not even going to fit into a wedding dress. smarten up, pamela.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
i was doing so well..
so, i am bummed today.
my mood has been great since the weekend and i really thought that things were looking up, but then i got a bit of a blow to the goodness this morning.
i got an email from one of my bridesmaids today saying that she can no longer commit to standing up with me. i know it is a lot to ask of someone to stand up with you at a destination wedding, so i kind of felt this coming. i didn't know who it was going to be, but i had a feeling that at least one person would be backing out.
i am not mad, or angry about it. i am just sad. this is a very good friend - a kindred spirit even. she has helped me find out what i want in life and has encouraged me to live out my dreams, and i am just really sad that she won't be there to stand up with me.
she said that the possibility of her coming to the wedding is still a possibility, but when the odds of her NOT being able to come are so high, she didn't want to still be counted in as a bridesmaid and end up letting me down. a noble one she is.
so i have been poopie and mopey (and several other sad dwarf sounding names) all day and i can't shake it. i am trying to convince myself to go out for a walk in the sunshine, but i am not an easy sell.
**insert several minutes of self talk and reflection**
..and off for a walk i go.
my mood has been great since the weekend and i really thought that things were looking up, but then i got a bit of a blow to the goodness this morning.
i got an email from one of my bridesmaids today saying that she can no longer commit to standing up with me. i know it is a lot to ask of someone to stand up with you at a destination wedding, so i kind of felt this coming. i didn't know who it was going to be, but i had a feeling that at least one person would be backing out.
i am not mad, or angry about it. i am just sad. this is a very good friend - a kindred spirit even. she has helped me find out what i want in life and has encouraged me to live out my dreams, and i am just really sad that she won't be there to stand up with me.
she said that the possibility of her coming to the wedding is still a possibility, but when the odds of her NOT being able to come are so high, she didn't want to still be counted in as a bridesmaid and end up letting me down. a noble one she is.
so i have been poopie and mopey (and several other sad dwarf sounding names) all day and i can't shake it. i am trying to convince myself to go out for a walk in the sunshine, but i am not an easy sell.
**insert several minutes of self talk and reflection**
..and off for a walk i go.
Monday, April 19, 2010
chinese market pics
fresh scallops
clams
dungeness crab
huge crabbies
market-man fishing for a customer
freakishly large king crab
turtle, turtle
these shrimp were as big as my hand!
blue crab trying to escape!
now that's more like it!
so here we are, another Monday - and i feel fan-diddly-tastic! how unlikely!
i feel totally re-energized after this weekend. i think i just needed a sleep in, spend some time with C and get some sunshine on my skin.
we had a really nice weekend. saturday was spent grocery shopping (oh. my. god. $450 for two people?) and crossing a few things off the to-do list at the registry (which ended up being a comedy of errors).
it seriously took us 4 tries to actually get stuff done at the registry:
Take #1 - we get to the registry parking lot and realize that we left the new proof of car insurance at home. so we went home to get it.
Take #2 - in line at the registry, we realize that C did not bring a proof of address. we leave the line and get back in the car, only to realize that the proof of insurance we just retrieved has the new address on it. get back in line at the registry.
Take #3 - we actually get to the desk, and C signs all the paperwork to change his stuff...and his debit card doesn't work. girl behind the desk is pissy. we say we will be right back and walk to the bank at the other end of the plaza, she voids all paperwork and chucks it.
Take #4 - back to registry. lineup is three times as long as it was originally was, but we have cash in hand and all documentation and finally get tasks accomplished. what a gong show.
after that craziness we treated ourselves to lunch at a place that has intrigued us since we saw it, but we had never been to. it is called Mucho Burrito: Fresh Mexican Grill. basically, it is like Subway or Pita Pit for mexican food! they make AMAZING burritos where you choose your size, meat and toppings and it is awesome. so fresh, so good, and such friendly staff. AND they have their nutritional info online! a perfect combination!
saturday evening we just watched the Habs game, ate a little sushi, cuddled on the couch and watched Slumdog Millionaire.
on Sunday we got up and out and went for Dim Sum at a place that has had pretty good reviews. C ordered his usual chicken feet, tripe and grossness and practically climaxed at the table. the best Dim Sum he has had - and he has had a lot. it was very fresh and reasonably priced and i thought it was okay. he will probably try to drag me there every weekend. not so points friendly when you accidently order deep-fried noodles.
we then wandered around the asian supermarket and saw some really awesome stuff. their seafood section was huge and AMAZING and we got a fabulous deal on some beef tenderloin. a vacuum sealed bag of fresh (not frozen) tenderloin that would be about $30-$40 at the grocery store was $17!! and we also picked up some frozen crab claw meat. about 50 crabs worth of claw meat for $7.99. craziness! it was a fantastic shop and we had fun checking out all the new and crazy stuff.
it was a weekend full of regular old mundane activities, but we enjoyed ourselves. and here we are, back to Monday.
i woke up this morning determined to get fully, 100% back on track with positive thinking. i joined the Endless Summer challenge on the GDT and have decided that i WILL be under 220 by the end of the summer. that is SO doable. that is less than 1.5lbs per week, easy peasy (ha!). i am not usually one for goal making, but i find this mini-goal to be something that is completely achievable for me. i have a fridge and freezer full of great food and there is no reason i can't do that.
i want to start trying on wedding dresses by the end of the summer and i feel like i will feel capable of doing that (without wanting to slit my wrists) once i am under 220. that is familiar territory to me. before i ballooned to 265, i had never been over 218...so once i am back around there again, i will feel MUCH more in control of my weight and my life.
i have no need to be 125lbs. i would be content at under 200lbs. i would be ecstatic to be 175lbs. i can so make this happen.
so, kidlets - that is all for now. i feel like i have written a novel. but it feels good to be excited about what this journey has in store for me.
happy monday!
xox
i feel totally re-energized after this weekend. i think i just needed a sleep in, spend some time with C and get some sunshine on my skin.
we had a really nice weekend. saturday was spent grocery shopping (oh. my. god. $450 for two people?) and crossing a few things off the to-do list at the registry (which ended up being a comedy of errors).
it seriously took us 4 tries to actually get stuff done at the registry:
Take #1 - we get to the registry parking lot and realize that we left the new proof of car insurance at home. so we went home to get it.
Take #2 - in line at the registry, we realize that C did not bring a proof of address. we leave the line and get back in the car, only to realize that the proof of insurance we just retrieved has the new address on it. get back in line at the registry.
Take #3 - we actually get to the desk, and C signs all the paperwork to change his stuff...and his debit card doesn't work. girl behind the desk is pissy. we say we will be right back and walk to the bank at the other end of the plaza, she voids all paperwork and chucks it.
Take #4 - back to registry. lineup is three times as long as it was originally was, but we have cash in hand and all documentation and finally get tasks accomplished. what a gong show.
after that craziness we treated ourselves to lunch at a place that has intrigued us since we saw it, but we had never been to. it is called Mucho Burrito: Fresh Mexican Grill. basically, it is like Subway or Pita Pit for mexican food! they make AMAZING burritos where you choose your size, meat and toppings and it is awesome. so fresh, so good, and such friendly staff. AND they have their nutritional info online! a perfect combination!
saturday evening we just watched the Habs game, ate a little sushi, cuddled on the couch and watched Slumdog Millionaire.
on Sunday we got up and out and went for Dim Sum at a place that has had pretty good reviews. C ordered his usual chicken feet, tripe and grossness and practically climaxed at the table. the best Dim Sum he has had - and he has had a lot. it was very fresh and reasonably priced and i thought it was okay. he will probably try to drag me there every weekend. not so points friendly when you accidently order deep-fried noodles.
we then wandered around the asian supermarket and saw some really awesome stuff. their seafood section was huge and AMAZING and we got a fabulous deal on some beef tenderloin. a vacuum sealed bag of fresh (not frozen) tenderloin that would be about $30-$40 at the grocery store was $17!! and we also picked up some frozen crab claw meat. about 50 crabs worth of claw meat for $7.99. craziness! it was a fantastic shop and we had fun checking out all the new and crazy stuff.
it was a weekend full of regular old mundane activities, but we enjoyed ourselves. and here we are, back to Monday.
i woke up this morning determined to get fully, 100% back on track with positive thinking. i joined the Endless Summer challenge on the GDT and have decided that i WILL be under 220 by the end of the summer. that is SO doable. that is less than 1.5lbs per week, easy peasy (ha!). i am not usually one for goal making, but i find this mini-goal to be something that is completely achievable for me. i have a fridge and freezer full of great food and there is no reason i can't do that.
i want to start trying on wedding dresses by the end of the summer and i feel like i will feel capable of doing that (without wanting to slit my wrists) once i am under 220. that is familiar territory to me. before i ballooned to 265, i had never been over 218...so once i am back around there again, i will feel MUCH more in control of my weight and my life.
i have no need to be 125lbs. i would be content at under 200lbs. i would be ecstatic to be 175lbs. i can so make this happen.
so, kidlets - that is all for now. i feel like i have written a novel. but it feels good to be excited about what this journey has in store for me.
happy monday!
xox
Friday, April 16, 2010
let the sunshine in...
..and face it with a grin.
i am feeling a bit more positive about things today. getting out of bed was still a challenge, but it is friday and i think that has lit a small fire under me.
i joined two weight loss challenges today. one is on the Destination Wedding message board i frequent, and the other is on the GDT. i think anything to keep me accountable and feeling competetive about my losses is a good thing.
C also picked up a few groceries on the way home from work lastnight which means i can get back to my regular delicious breakfasts (which really helps me to stay on track i think)....so i have a few things in my corner today.
work is still quiet and depressing, but i should be using this time to get some advertising together. people aren't going to call me randomly, i have to start looking for them. i need to stop sitting back and hoping that things will fall into my lap.
today was my weigh-in day and i came in at 245.5lbs. not great, but not terrible either. i need to get below that 243 again and it will be smooth sailing i think. i have been contemplating what kind of exercise i might actually look forward to - and i think i need to track down an aquafit class or something. i am a total water baby, and i think i would really enjoy that. it sucks not having anyone to go with, but maybe i would make friends. i will look into this today.
i would love to get back into running, but i am so heavy i think i might hurt myself, so i will wait until i am down a few more pounds.
it is going to be a gorgeous day and a gorgeous weekend (19-20C) so i hope to get out there and enjoy it with C. no sitting on the couch for us!
thank you friday for putting a smile on my face!
i am feeling a bit more positive about things today. getting out of bed was still a challenge, but it is friday and i think that has lit a small fire under me.
i joined two weight loss challenges today. one is on the Destination Wedding message board i frequent, and the other is on the GDT. i think anything to keep me accountable and feeling competetive about my losses is a good thing.
C also picked up a few groceries on the way home from work lastnight which means i can get back to my regular delicious breakfasts (which really helps me to stay on track i think)....so i have a few things in my corner today.
work is still quiet and depressing, but i should be using this time to get some advertising together. people aren't going to call me randomly, i have to start looking for them. i need to stop sitting back and hoping that things will fall into my lap.
today was my weigh-in day and i came in at 245.5lbs. not great, but not terrible either. i need to get below that 243 again and it will be smooth sailing i think. i have been contemplating what kind of exercise i might actually look forward to - and i think i need to track down an aquafit class or something. i am a total water baby, and i think i would really enjoy that. it sucks not having anyone to go with, but maybe i would make friends. i will look into this today.
i would love to get back into running, but i am so heavy i think i might hurt myself, so i will wait until i am down a few more pounds.
it is going to be a gorgeous day and a gorgeous weekend (19-20C) so i hope to get out there and enjoy it with C. no sitting on the couch for us!
thank you friday for putting a smile on my face!
Thursday, April 15, 2010
just call me Negative Nelly.
well, i have been a bit of a downer lately - and i am afraid that today is not going to change that. i have a whole lot of "woe is me" thoughts to get out today.
the last thing a blog reader wants to read constantly read about how crappy someone feels, so if you are looking for a pick me up, just close out the window and move on your way.
i had trouble getting out of bed again today and i still don't know why. i had trouble even opening my eyes. i finally got myself out of bed, looked at my naked self, got on the scale, sighed, looked at my naked self again and started to freak out.
this whole weight loss thing is not working out for me. i am scared that it is never going to work for me. it is like i don't want it badly enough, but i also want it so badly at the same time. i have said it before, and i will say it again - i am not getting married in this body.
i feel like i still need to find that magic program that works for me. i remember when i was on Herbal Magic and i wanted so badly to get back onto WW, because there was so much freedom. i could eat pretty much what i wanted and just needed to count these little points? NO PROBLEM!
then why, when i am in the midst of it, does it seem like an impossibility? WW is not difficult. there is tons of freedom to eat whatever i want, i just need to watch portions. you would think that would be a dream come true - but i am struggling. i am eating way better than i was when i put this weight on, but still it won't budge.
i try my best to practice positive thinking and manifestation for the things i want, but for this last week i just feel like i will never ever be able to lose all of this weight and keep it off. no wonder i am struggling.. with a thought process like that.
so i have to try and figure out how to change that. in the fall i went to a hypnosis seminar and bought hundreds of dollars in CDs to listen to - and i can't even manage that! i can't manage to lay in bed for a half hour and think good thoughts and relax? jesus woman, a size 8 body isn't going to fall out of the sky! i have to actually put forth some effort here, but that seems to be the problem. i have no effort to give.
i am not looking for pity and a "there, there, you will lose the weight"...i am merely just trying to get this crap thought process out there and figure out how to make it all work for me.
i am still feeling clueless.
the last thing a blog reader wants to read constantly read about how crappy someone feels, so if you are looking for a pick me up, just close out the window and move on your way.
i had trouble getting out of bed again today and i still don't know why. i had trouble even opening my eyes. i finally got myself out of bed, looked at my naked self, got on the scale, sighed, looked at my naked self again and started to freak out.
this whole weight loss thing is not working out for me. i am scared that it is never going to work for me. it is like i don't want it badly enough, but i also want it so badly at the same time. i have said it before, and i will say it again - i am not getting married in this body.
i feel like i still need to find that magic program that works for me. i remember when i was on Herbal Magic and i wanted so badly to get back onto WW, because there was so much freedom. i could eat pretty much what i wanted and just needed to count these little points? NO PROBLEM!
then why, when i am in the midst of it, does it seem like an impossibility? WW is not difficult. there is tons of freedom to eat whatever i want, i just need to watch portions. you would think that would be a dream come true - but i am struggling. i am eating way better than i was when i put this weight on, but still it won't budge.
i try my best to practice positive thinking and manifestation for the things i want, but for this last week i just feel like i will never ever be able to lose all of this weight and keep it off. no wonder i am struggling.. with a thought process like that.
so i have to try and figure out how to change that. in the fall i went to a hypnosis seminar and bought hundreds of dollars in CDs to listen to - and i can't even manage that! i can't manage to lay in bed for a half hour and think good thoughts and relax? jesus woman, a size 8 body isn't going to fall out of the sky! i have to actually put forth some effort here, but that seems to be the problem. i have no effort to give.
i am not looking for pity and a "there, there, you will lose the weight"...i am merely just trying to get this crap thought process out there and figure out how to make it all work for me.
i am still feeling clueless.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
busy doing nothing
i wish i had a couch in my office and i could just curl up in front of the space heater and nap the afternoon away.
i am still feeling unreasonably tired and unmotivated. i can barely get myself out of bed, and then i flop into my office chair and have zero drive to do anything. it is always when i am in these moods that i start second guessing my career decision.
the decision to start my travel business came with a lot of coercing from C. he just thought it was the best idea in the world. he loves the idea of me being able to stay home and work and not be out driving the crazy streets of calgary. he likes having a home business so we can write off a lot of stuff (which certainly doesn't hurt) and he likes the idea that i can be kind of home with the kidlets when we start popping them out.
i, however, had reservations from the beginning. i left the travel world really jaded and disliking the job. i got sick of answering the same questions all of the time. i don't know why i thought this time around would be different. i also feel like getting into a home business when you have freshly moved to a new town isn't the greatest idea. i have almost zero opportunity to meet people and be social, AND there is not a whole lot of money coming in which has us living off of credit cards. it is just not a pretty picture.
it has only been 3 and a half months, so i am certainly not going to call it quits quite yet, but i think i regret the decision almost every day.
it actually isn't the job situation that has me feeling glum - but it gets to be the punching bag. i really don't know what else is up. PMS maybe? my cycle is so effed up, i have no idea when to expect it anymore, so maybe that's it and maybe it's not.
the doctor at the walk-in clinic i visited lastweek (for a Rx refill) is actually sending me for some hormonal testing since my periods have been so wonky. she mentioned PCOS which scares the bejeesus out of me, but i won't panic until i know more. maybe my thyroid meds just need to be upped.
anyhow, i have a lot more doing nothing to do, so i better get on that.
i am still feeling unreasonably tired and unmotivated. i can barely get myself out of bed, and then i flop into my office chair and have zero drive to do anything. it is always when i am in these moods that i start second guessing my career decision.
the decision to start my travel business came with a lot of coercing from C. he just thought it was the best idea in the world. he loves the idea of me being able to stay home and work and not be out driving the crazy streets of calgary. he likes having a home business so we can write off a lot of stuff (which certainly doesn't hurt) and he likes the idea that i can be kind of home with the kidlets when we start popping them out.
i, however, had reservations from the beginning. i left the travel world really jaded and disliking the job. i got sick of answering the same questions all of the time. i don't know why i thought this time around would be different. i also feel like getting into a home business when you have freshly moved to a new town isn't the greatest idea. i have almost zero opportunity to meet people and be social, AND there is not a whole lot of money coming in which has us living off of credit cards. it is just not a pretty picture.
it has only been 3 and a half months, so i am certainly not going to call it quits quite yet, but i think i regret the decision almost every day.
it actually isn't the job situation that has me feeling glum - but it gets to be the punching bag. i really don't know what else is up. PMS maybe? my cycle is so effed up, i have no idea when to expect it anymore, so maybe that's it and maybe it's not.
the doctor at the walk-in clinic i visited lastweek (for a Rx refill) is actually sending me for some hormonal testing since my periods have been so wonky. she mentioned PCOS which scares the bejeesus out of me, but i won't panic until i know more. maybe my thyroid meds just need to be upped.
anyhow, i have a lot more doing nothing to do, so i better get on that.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
my poor liver.
i have felt like a zombie since getting back from Penticton - but lordy did we have fun.
it was the first time C had met my extended family and he loves them. he said it was the best wedding he had ever been to, and he already misses everyone. i love that. i love that he thinks they are awesome, and that they all think he is awesome too. i can't even count how many people came up to me to say how great they think C is and what a cute couple we are. awww, bless.
so here we are, back in cold, snowy cowtown and we are having trouble getting back into routine. i didn't overeat while we were gone and actually managed to lose a few pounds, but as soon as we got home - i wanted to eat the pantry door.
so, i have been struggling to stay on plan. i have been snacking on all of the naughty roadtrip snacks we bought and didn't finish (including cherry blasters, punjabi mix and mini-eggs) and have been eating spaghetti like it is going out of style.
you would think that all of the terrible pictures of me being posted around facebook by family members would do the trick and make me want to fast for 30 days - but alas, food is just too damn good.
so, for the rest of the week i will be trying to hop back on that wagon. i am just hoping not to do a faceplant in the process.
xox
it was the first time C had met my extended family and he loves them. he said it was the best wedding he had ever been to, and he already misses everyone. i love that. i love that he thinks they are awesome, and that they all think he is awesome too. i can't even count how many people came up to me to say how great they think C is and what a cute couple we are. awww, bless.
so here we are, back in cold, snowy cowtown and we are having trouble getting back into routine. i didn't overeat while we were gone and actually managed to lose a few pounds, but as soon as we got home - i wanted to eat the pantry door.
so, i have been struggling to stay on plan. i have been snacking on all of the naughty roadtrip snacks we bought and didn't finish (including cherry blasters, punjabi mix and mini-eggs) and have been eating spaghetti like it is going out of style.
you would think that all of the terrible pictures of me being posted around facebook by family members would do the trick and make me want to fast for 30 days - but alas, food is just too damn good.
so, for the rest of the week i will be trying to hop back on that wagon. i am just hoping not to do a faceplant in the process.
xox
Wednesday, April 07, 2010
..and she's off!
we are off to Penticton bright and early (dark and early?) tomorrow morning!
our plan is to be out of the house by 5am - so we will probably be out of the house by 5:30am, and then stop for coffee and not actually leave town until 6am. oh the joys of living with a sexy beast who takes longer to get ready than me.
i am taking my laptop with me, so you might even get an update.
cross your fingers for sunny skies and wildlife sightings!!
have a great weekend!
xox
our plan is to be out of the house by 5am - so we will probably be out of the house by 5:30am, and then stop for coffee and not actually leave town until 6am. oh the joys of living with a sexy beast who takes longer to get ready than me.
i am taking my laptop with me, so you might even get an update.
cross your fingers for sunny skies and wildlife sightings!!
have a great weekend!
xox
Tuesday, April 06, 2010
i'm...too sexy for my jammies.
god i look hot right now.
no bra, 3 day old blue tshirt, black pioneer covered pyjama pants and 4 inch (damp) heels. hubba hubba.
i have just finished some cleaning around the house in preparation for our trip to BC this weekend. my bestie's sister is cat-sitting for us, and my dad and stepmom will be coming back with us to check out our Calgary digs, so things need to be in tip top shape! oh, and the heels - i am trying to stretch them out.
that is one thing that BITES about being 80lbs heavier than your former high-heel wearing self...your feet just can't take the torture! but lord, they really are cute.
as mentioned last time, my eating has not exactly been on par with where it should be - but it has also been worse. what makes me feel better, however, is knowing that many of you bloggy ladies are struggling as much as i am. we can get this done ladies, we just have to figure out what works for us and focus.
i have pondered the Core/Simply Filling plan, but i don't know if that will work for me. and i have pondered just working on eating healthy, and not counting points (but i think my weight will quickly skyrocket)...so here i am, a slave to the etools.
i have been pretend counting today (keeping track in my head), but i can pretty certainly say that i won't be counting when i go away. my only conscious efforts will be to not eat cheesies all the way to the border. they are my roadtrip weakness.
maybe i will take those 14 hours in the car to have a heart to heart with myself about how to make this all work for me. sound good, self? sounds good.
no bra, 3 day old blue tshirt, black pioneer covered pyjama pants and 4 inch (damp) heels. hubba hubba.
i have just finished some cleaning around the house in preparation for our trip to BC this weekend. my bestie's sister is cat-sitting for us, and my dad and stepmom will be coming back with us to check out our Calgary digs, so things need to be in tip top shape! oh, and the heels - i am trying to stretch them out.
that is one thing that BITES about being 80lbs heavier than your former high-heel wearing self...your feet just can't take the torture! but lord, they really are cute.
as mentioned last time, my eating has not exactly been on par with where it should be - but it has also been worse. what makes me feel better, however, is knowing that many of you bloggy ladies are struggling as much as i am. we can get this done ladies, we just have to figure out what works for us and focus.
i have pondered the Core/Simply Filling plan, but i don't know if that will work for me. and i have pondered just working on eating healthy, and not counting points (but i think my weight will quickly skyrocket)...so here i am, a slave to the etools.
i have been pretend counting today (keeping track in my head), but i can pretty certainly say that i won't be counting when i go away. my only conscious efforts will be to not eat cheesies all the way to the border. they are my roadtrip weakness.
maybe i will take those 14 hours in the car to have a heart to heart with myself about how to make this all work for me. sound good, self? sounds good.
Sunday, April 04, 2010
somebunny loves you.
so here i sit, eating one of several still-warm chocolate chip cookies.
we have no chocolate eggs or bunnies in our our house, but chocolate has still managed to creep in.
being family-free in alberta, we didn't have a huge easter dinner, but we have a few good friends to take us in. lastnight we went to my friend J's house for a fabulous turkey dinner and met some new friends. meeting new people is important when you are in a new town, and J has some good friends. we spent part of the evening getting excited about camping and getting eaten by bears. well, not being EXCITED about being eaten by bears, but just the details therein. i can't wait for camping season!
so, today, we had a lazy day and C made us a ham dinner. we became one with the Eat, Shrink and Be Merry cookbook, and had TheBlahshank Redemption (yummy ham leggy goodness) with Viva Las Veggies (roasted veggies with a gratin crust) and my own scalloped taters. it was a yummy 3pm dinner, and here we are at 7pm, and down two bottles of wine. oh sunday, i love you.
so, my eating has been less than stellar this weekend. i have not tracked and have just assumed that i have used up my Flex points for the week. sometimes, calculating recipes just gets too complicated.
so here i am, eating more freshly baked chocolate chip cookies, and hoping my Spanx do their job in Penticton this week. deeeee-lish.
we have no chocolate eggs or bunnies in our our house, but chocolate has still managed to creep in.
being family-free in alberta, we didn't have a huge easter dinner, but we have a few good friends to take us in. lastnight we went to my friend J's house for a fabulous turkey dinner and met some new friends. meeting new people is important when you are in a new town, and J has some good friends. we spent part of the evening getting excited about camping and getting eaten by bears. well, not being EXCITED about being eaten by bears, but just the details therein. i can't wait for camping season!
so, today, we had a lazy day and C made us a ham dinner. we became one with the Eat, Shrink and Be Merry cookbook, and had TheBlahshank Redemption (yummy ham leggy goodness) with Viva Las Veggies (roasted veggies with a gratin crust) and my own scalloped taters. it was a yummy 3pm dinner, and here we are at 7pm, and down two bottles of wine. oh sunday, i love you.
so, my eating has been less than stellar this weekend. i have not tracked and have just assumed that i have used up my Flex points for the week. sometimes, calculating recipes just gets too complicated.
so here i am, eating more freshly baked chocolate chip cookies, and hoping my Spanx do their job in Penticton this week. deeeee-lish.
Thursday, April 01, 2010
back away slowly.
i am so annoyed at my lack of weight loss today. not even upset, or sad...but full out annoyed, and reading the WW boards isn't helping the situation.
we've got people in their baggy pants, people who ate like shite all week and lost 2 pounds, people who are 50lbs down. that should be me!!
i stick to my points all week long and still, i gain. sure, i am not stellar at following the GHG, but back when WW didn't even have those, you were still expected to lose. but me? nah, i gain 3lbs instead. it is soooo frustrating.
i had a great loss last week and was so stoked about it, but when i keep on following plan and i gain it all back - it sure takes the joy away from it all. am i going to have to eat salad and chicken for the rest of my life to get this weight off and keep it off?
granted i have thyroid issues, but i never even consider that in my weight loss. i am on meds and therefore, i think it is ruled out as a non-weight-losing factor. it is so frustrating. i wonder if all of my yo-yoing over the years has caught up with me now that i have hit 30.
grrr...i just have that angry feeling bubbling up in my tummy that makes me want to scream - and i am SO not that person. i don't know why the anger is creeping up on me today, i have never raised my voice in anger in my whole life. it is not like i feast on chocolate and chips and fried foods and wonder why i am not losing. i eat good healthy food, and i stick to points and it is all for nothing.
*deep breath*
ok. i need a plan.
i know i need to exercise more. and i know i need to cut back on sodium-riddled foods at lunchtime. i will work on these.
maybe i will bulk up more at lunch and have an afternoon snack instead of eating at 12:00pm, and then at 8:00pm when C gets home and is ready for dinner. maybe i should make my 8 o'clock meal a mini-meal. but lord, what will i eat in the afternoon? i think i am tired of cooking and thinking of meals. what i would give for a personal chef...
ok, back to reality. the plan.
9:00am - breakfast (i have got this one down. cottage cheese and tomato, i love it and it is low points and it gets me through til lunchtime) 2 points
12:00pm - lunch (i often have a wackload of pasta, or an asian noodle soup (think gourmet Mr Noodles i guess, which is crazy high in sodium). if we have leftovers, i will eat it, but usually all leftovers go with C to work. i ate salad everyday when i was losing big with Herbal Magic, but i like having something warm for lunch now. i will work on this.) 10 points
4:00pm - mini-meal (this will be new. i finish work at 4pm, and usually just start guzzling water to keep me full until dinnertime. maybe i should have a tuna sandwich (again there's that sodium) or greek salad or cheese and crackers at this time. something with protein and carbs to keep me full for a few hours.) 8 points
8:00pm - dinner (this time varies between 7pm-9pm, but being so late, maybe i should make this a lighter meal. i know there is so much controversy about 'eating late' vs. 'a calorie is a calorie'...but it would be something different to explore. this is usually a meat, a veg and a salad/starch. i will take the portion sizes down a lot. i usually leave about 15 points for this late dinner, and maybe i really should cut that in half.) 10 points
so...there it is. a game plan. we hardly have any groceries in the house, but yesterday was payday - so once we stock up, i will put this in motion. whining about not losing will not help me lose, so let's hope Plan B is more effective.
what have i got to lose (besides 80lbs that is)..
xox
we've got people in their baggy pants, people who ate like shite all week and lost 2 pounds, people who are 50lbs down. that should be me!!
i stick to my points all week long and still, i gain. sure, i am not stellar at following the GHG, but back when WW didn't even have those, you were still expected to lose. but me? nah, i gain 3lbs instead. it is soooo frustrating.
i had a great loss last week and was so stoked about it, but when i keep on following plan and i gain it all back - it sure takes the joy away from it all. am i going to have to eat salad and chicken for the rest of my life to get this weight off and keep it off?
granted i have thyroid issues, but i never even consider that in my weight loss. i am on meds and therefore, i think it is ruled out as a non-weight-losing factor. it is so frustrating. i wonder if all of my yo-yoing over the years has caught up with me now that i have hit 30.
grrr...i just have that angry feeling bubbling up in my tummy that makes me want to scream - and i am SO not that person. i don't know why the anger is creeping up on me today, i have never raised my voice in anger in my whole life. it is not like i feast on chocolate and chips and fried foods and wonder why i am not losing. i eat good healthy food, and i stick to points and it is all for nothing.
*deep breath*
ok. i need a plan.
i know i need to exercise more. and i know i need to cut back on sodium-riddled foods at lunchtime. i will work on these.
maybe i will bulk up more at lunch and have an afternoon snack instead of eating at 12:00pm, and then at 8:00pm when C gets home and is ready for dinner. maybe i should make my 8 o'clock meal a mini-meal. but lord, what will i eat in the afternoon? i think i am tired of cooking and thinking of meals. what i would give for a personal chef...
ok, back to reality. the plan.
9:00am - breakfast (i have got this one down. cottage cheese and tomato, i love it and it is low points and it gets me through til lunchtime) 2 points
12:00pm - lunch (i often have a wackload of pasta, or an asian noodle soup (think gourmet Mr Noodles i guess, which is crazy high in sodium). if we have leftovers, i will eat it, but usually all leftovers go with C to work. i ate salad everyday when i was losing big with Herbal Magic, but i like having something warm for lunch now. i will work on this.) 10 points
4:00pm - mini-meal (this will be new. i finish work at 4pm, and usually just start guzzling water to keep me full until dinnertime. maybe i should have a tuna sandwich (again there's that sodium) or greek salad or cheese and crackers at this time. something with protein and carbs to keep me full for a few hours.) 8 points
8:00pm - dinner (this time varies between 7pm-9pm, but being so late, maybe i should make this a lighter meal. i know there is so much controversy about 'eating late' vs. 'a calorie is a calorie'...but it would be something different to explore. this is usually a meat, a veg and a salad/starch. i will take the portion sizes down a lot. i usually leave about 15 points for this late dinner, and maybe i really should cut that in half.) 10 points
so...there it is. a game plan. we hardly have any groceries in the house, but yesterday was payday - so once we stock up, i will put this in motion. whining about not losing will not help me lose, so let's hope Plan B is more effective.
what have i got to lose (besides 80lbs that is)..
xox
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
no foolin'
i am not a big fan of April Fool's Day...or getting fooled in general.
i don't even like watching shows where OTHER PEOPLE get fooled. like that french one with no words that plays on comedy central? i start to feel really uncomfortable when i see those people made a fool of or tricked in some way or another. i even had to stop watching Ellen today when she pretended to be a fortune teller.
i'm a good girl, what can i say.
so there better not be any Foolers out there.
i do love that it is calendar change day though. i love being able to flip the page over each month and have a whole blank slate and a beautiful new photo to look at. in my office i have a Greece Calendar, full of white stucco buildings, blue roofs and calm water and up in the kitchen i have a zen calendar with peaceful scenes.
wow, you know you have hit a low point in life excitement when you start to blog about the pictures on your calendar. maybe it's best to call it quits for today.
xox
i don't even like watching shows where OTHER PEOPLE get fooled. like that french one with no words that plays on comedy central? i start to feel really uncomfortable when i see those people made a fool of or tricked in some way or another. i even had to stop watching Ellen today when she pretended to be a fortune teller.
i'm a good girl, what can i say.
so there better not be any Foolers out there.
i do love that it is calendar change day though. i love being able to flip the page over each month and have a whole blank slate and a beautiful new photo to look at. in my office i have a Greece Calendar, full of white stucco buildings, blue roofs and calm water and up in the kitchen i have a zen calendar with peaceful scenes.
wow, you know you have hit a low point in life excitement when you start to blog about the pictures on your calendar. maybe it's best to call it quits for today.
xox
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
don't tell the boss..
here we are, another absolutely dead day at work.
this is not good news for a business owner. i really should be taking this time to work on some advertising materials and maybe organizing my office a little bit - but instead i am ridiculously pre-occupied with wedding planning!
i have started a blog for myself to help with my wedding planning. i am putting tons of inspiration pics up of what i want, and things the resort offers. i am having a lot of fun doing it and am hoping it helps to keep me organized.
i am torn between giving the URL out to my bridesmaids and my mom to see what they think and to give them a bit more of an idea of what i am planning, but i may post ideas for gifts for them and stuff...so i am also thinking i should keep it to myself. it kills me to do that. i am a total open book and terrible secret keeper!
the scale has not been my friend so far this week. i know i splurged on some things over the weekend, but i still have 10 flex left, so i feel like the scale should more gentle. i am planning on not using any more WP this week - so hopefully the scale starts moving down a bit.
i should start planning some healthy snacks to take on the road trip to Penticton in 10 days. i can't believe it has come up so quickly! i am super excited to get away and the drive is just going to be stunning. i just have to stay away from the cheesies and corn nuts in the car as they are my go-to roadtrip foods. hmm, healthy snacking is no fun.
what are your favourite OP road trip foods?
this is not good news for a business owner. i really should be taking this time to work on some advertising materials and maybe organizing my office a little bit - but instead i am ridiculously pre-occupied with wedding planning!
i have started a blog for myself to help with my wedding planning. i am putting tons of inspiration pics up of what i want, and things the resort offers. i am having a lot of fun doing it and am hoping it helps to keep me organized.
i am torn between giving the URL out to my bridesmaids and my mom to see what they think and to give them a bit more of an idea of what i am planning, but i may post ideas for gifts for them and stuff...so i am also thinking i should keep it to myself. it kills me to do that. i am a total open book and terrible secret keeper!
the scale has not been my friend so far this week. i know i splurged on some things over the weekend, but i still have 10 flex left, so i feel like the scale should more gentle. i am planning on not using any more WP this week - so hopefully the scale starts moving down a bit.
i should start planning some healthy snacks to take on the road trip to Penticton in 10 days. i can't believe it has come up so quickly! i am super excited to get away and the drive is just going to be stunning. i just have to stay away from the cheesies and corn nuts in the car as they are my go-to roadtrip foods. hmm, healthy snacking is no fun.
what are your favourite OP road trip foods?
Sunday, March 28, 2010
to market to market..
we just came back from a lovely afternoon at the Outdoor Adventure Show and the Farmer's Market!
we were hoping to see lots of a camping stuff at the Outdoor Show, but it was mostly reps from different travel companies, recreational areas and adventure activities. we picked up a SLEW of brochures and have lots of fun things to go through this evening. we even saw Mantracker!
attatched to the Outdoor show, there was also a Go Green trade show. C was in his element, and loved getting as much info as he could about solar panels and composting toilets! i tried hemp milk - and i suggest you never do this. *gag*
we then took a little jaunt to the Farmer's Market for the first time since moving here. they had some AMAZING food stalls there, but dissapointingly, the produce was actually a lot more expensive than the grocery store. the meats looked amazing though. we tested some things here and there (mmm, jalapeno and cheese bison sausage - incredible) and sat down for a quick bite from the Ukranian booth. we split a plate with a cabbage roll, pierogies, saurkraut and schnitzel. i was jonesing for pierogies, so it definitely filled the gap. certainly not a points friendy choice, but it was so worth it.
so now we are just chillaxing at home and going through brochures. C has fresh bread dough rising in the kitchen, and i am enjoying having all of the windows open and the fresh air blowing in. what a gorgeous day!
oh, and yesterday we went to the mall to find a dress for the BC wedding. being a "Big Girl" there aren't a whole lot of choices, but i had some coupons for Addition Elle and ended up going with something from there. it isn't really my style, but it fits nicely and is flattering - so it will do. maybe i will post a pic tomorrow.
if only this content lazy sunday feeling could last for days...
we were hoping to see lots of a camping stuff at the Outdoor Show, but it was mostly reps from different travel companies, recreational areas and adventure activities. we picked up a SLEW of brochures and have lots of fun things to go through this evening. we even saw Mantracker!
attatched to the Outdoor show, there was also a Go Green trade show. C was in his element, and loved getting as much info as he could about solar panels and composting toilets! i tried hemp milk - and i suggest you never do this. *gag*
we then took a little jaunt to the Farmer's Market for the first time since moving here. they had some AMAZING food stalls there, but dissapointingly, the produce was actually a lot more expensive than the grocery store. the meats looked amazing though. we tested some things here and there (mmm, jalapeno and cheese bison sausage - incredible) and sat down for a quick bite from the Ukranian booth. we split a plate with a cabbage roll, pierogies, saurkraut and schnitzel. i was jonesing for pierogies, so it definitely filled the gap. certainly not a points friendy choice, but it was so worth it.
so now we are just chillaxing at home and going through brochures. C has fresh bread dough rising in the kitchen, and i am enjoying having all of the windows open and the fresh air blowing in. what a gorgeous day!
oh, and yesterday we went to the mall to find a dress for the BC wedding. being a "Big Girl" there aren't a whole lot of choices, but i had some coupons for Addition Elle and ended up going with something from there. it isn't really my style, but it fits nicely and is flattering - so it will do. maybe i will post a pic tomorrow.
if only this content lazy sunday feeling could last for days...
Friday, March 26, 2010
a little friday procrastination
hello my little bloglets...
i am sorry i have been neglecting you. i have just dived (dove? divven?) headfirst into wedding-land and i didn't think you would want to come with me. i think i will create another blog for wedding planning, just to keep my thoughts straight, and to keep those around me sane.
so here we are again, my beloved friday. i have slacked ALL week, and i really don't think today will be any different.
this morning, however, i jumped outta bed and was super excited to hit the scale as i knew i rocked it this week....and i am down 3.5lbs to 243! yipeee! i am totally going to reach the 230s before i go to BC and i am so stoked about that.
this weekend i have to go dress hunting for this wedding, and i hope i can find something cute, cheap and that makes me look like a million bucks! as always, i will drag C along with me, as he likes to sit in the comfy man chairs in the dressing rooms and watch the fashion show!
i will post what i find!
okay, seriously, i should get even just a little work done today. just a smidge. and then maybe i will pimp out a wedding blog...
no one should have to work all day on friday. stamped it. no erasies.
i am sorry i have been neglecting you. i have just dived (dove? divven?) headfirst into wedding-land and i didn't think you would want to come with me. i think i will create another blog for wedding planning, just to keep my thoughts straight, and to keep those around me sane.
so here we are again, my beloved friday. i have slacked ALL week, and i really don't think today will be any different.
this morning, however, i jumped outta bed and was super excited to hit the scale as i knew i rocked it this week....and i am down 3.5lbs to 243! yipeee! i am totally going to reach the 230s before i go to BC and i am so stoked about that.
this weekend i have to go dress hunting for this wedding, and i hope i can find something cute, cheap and that makes me look like a million bucks! as always, i will drag C along with me, as he likes to sit in the comfy man chairs in the dressing rooms and watch the fashion show!
i will post what i find!
okay, seriously, i should get even just a little work done today. just a smidge. and then maybe i will pimp out a wedding blog...
no one should have to work all day on friday. stamped it. no erasies.
Monday, March 22, 2010
mama mia..
it seems that every conversation i have with my mother ends up about weight.
every woman in my family has had weight issues, so it is something that has been in my face since i was a chubby 4 year old. i remember both of my parents (who were divorced at the time) taking me to the family doctor to find out why i was fat. that is exactly what a nine year old needs, to be asked, "do you like being fat?"..yeah, because that didn't scar me at all.
my mom has tried it all over the years, from jenny craig and nutrisystem to weight watchers and Dr. Berstein. she saw the most success with Dr. B (as most people do), going from a size 16 to a size 2. this lasted a year or so until she started eating again (what a shocker). but this experience has brainwashed her into believing that you cannot lose weight while still eating like a normal person.
so mom goes on these diets where all she eats everyday is chicken and broccoli. she loses 25lbs, and then after a couple of bad weekends, she is back to where she started. i can't seem to get through to her than you need to eat normally in order to keep the weight off.
so, we just ended another conversation about how she has put her most recent loss of 17lbs back on. she asked me how my diet was going, and i said i was hanging steady at about 15lbs gone. "Oh, you have the same trouble as me.." she says. well, not exactly. i have never stopped eating what i loved and am losing it slowly, and am keeping the majority of my weight off.
no wonder i am stressed about seeing my family in a couple of weeks, and of fitting my own behind in a wedding gown. my family is fixated on size and weight. and even though i know they love me for who i am, i know they are judging. that's who we are - we are judgers.
so, all i can do is put on my happy face, pretend i am confident and that i love my body and hope that they believe it.
every woman in my family has had weight issues, so it is something that has been in my face since i was a chubby 4 year old. i remember both of my parents (who were divorced at the time) taking me to the family doctor to find out why i was fat. that is exactly what a nine year old needs, to be asked, "do you like being fat?"..yeah, because that didn't scar me at all.
my mom has tried it all over the years, from jenny craig and nutrisystem to weight watchers and Dr. Berstein. she saw the most success with Dr. B (as most people do), going from a size 16 to a size 2. this lasted a year or so until she started eating again (what a shocker). but this experience has brainwashed her into believing that you cannot lose weight while still eating like a normal person.
so mom goes on these diets where all she eats everyday is chicken and broccoli. she loses 25lbs, and then after a couple of bad weekends, she is back to where she started. i can't seem to get through to her than you need to eat normally in order to keep the weight off.
so, we just ended another conversation about how she has put her most recent loss of 17lbs back on. she asked me how my diet was going, and i said i was hanging steady at about 15lbs gone. "Oh, you have the same trouble as me.." she says. well, not exactly. i have never stopped eating what i loved and am losing it slowly, and am keeping the majority of my weight off.
no wonder i am stressed about seeing my family in a couple of weeks, and of fitting my own behind in a wedding gown. my family is fixated on size and weight. and even though i know they love me for who i am, i know they are judging. that's who we are - we are judgers.
so, all i can do is put on my happy face, pretend i am confident and that i love my body and hope that they believe it.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
piglets and chicklets and and kidlets, oh my!
we spent a fantastic day at Aggi Days down at the Stampede Centre today! it was a hands-on Agricultural show with an Acreage Lifestyle show alongside.
the animals were abosolutely adorable. we saw a lot of this:
the animals were abosolutely adorable. we saw a lot of this:
and a lot of this:
i seriously could have watched the piglets and the kidlets all day. they were so entertaining and all had such personality! we had a great day!
eating-wise i have been a little off for the last couple of days. i have counted and tracked, but i have guessed about a lot of stuff. i had a hotdog at the fair which was sooo good. it has been so long since i had yummy mystery meat. but i just had one (at $5 a pop, this was a no brainer) and counted it the best i could.
we got home late and were both craving all sorts of delectable barbecued meat (which was ironic, considering where we just came from), but settled on some delicious homemade potato salad (with enough mayo in it to clog our arteries in 3 bites) and some grilled chicken. i have the points for it, so why not!
i haven't exercised in a few days, i have just been feeling lazy. but i should get moving again tomorrow. whenever i think about trying wedding dresses on i get a little freaked out and remember what i am working towards!
i won't be a fat bride, i won't be a fat bride, i won't be a fat bride.
pass the water.
Friday, March 19, 2010
coercing the scale..
so i kinda had a loss the week...kinda.
i woke up on wednesday to 245.5, Thursday to 246 and today to 248. a gain? not bloody likely.
i was retaining a lot of water this morning, so i took my meds, had some pee-inducing tea, my brekkie and waited it out. i re-weighed myself at noon and came in at 246.5. i'll take it!!
so i may have twisted the scale's arm to clock myself at a loss today, but i knew it was owed to me. i think tomorrow's number may be even more accurate so i may take that one instead.
i like the numbers, and i like when the numbers like me.
i feel compelled to write a lot today and press the enter key more times than neccesary just to shove those pictures from yesterday down a little farther. ick.
soooo..
so?
so.
ok, enough of that nonsense. enjoy your friday everyone!
xox
i woke up on wednesday to 245.5, Thursday to 246 and today to 248. a gain? not bloody likely.
i was retaining a lot of water this morning, so i took my meds, had some pee-inducing tea, my brekkie and waited it out. i re-weighed myself at noon and came in at 246.5. i'll take it!!
so i may have twisted the scale's arm to clock myself at a loss today, but i knew it was owed to me. i think tomorrow's number may be even more accurate so i may take that one instead.
i like the numbers, and i like when the numbers like me.
i feel compelled to write a lot today and press the enter key more times than neccesary just to shove those pictures from yesterday down a little farther. ick.
soooo..
so?
so.
ok, enough of that nonsense. enjoy your friday everyone!
xox
Thursday, March 18, 2010
it is horrifying...
...but i did it.
here are my body shots as of today, March 18th, 2010. i am 246lbs.
gah! they are a little grainy, but you get the picture.
this hurts my heart to look at it, and know that YOU are looking at it, but i think it is part of the process and i cannot wait to see the changes over the next few months and even the next few years.
tomorrow is weigh-in and i think it is going to be pretty good. i am a eating like i am getting over scurvy today! lots of healthies! i had cottage cheese and tomato for brekkie (which i adore), lunch was a big salad with tuna, tomato and cuke and a cup of asian noodle soup. and for dinner it will be spaghetti squash with a chicken tomato sauce with zucchini, mushrooms and peppers. lots o' veggies today.
c'monnnn scale.....mama needs a smaller pair of gotchies!
here are my body shots as of today, March 18th, 2010. i am 246lbs.
this hurts my heart to look at it, and know that YOU are looking at it, but i think it is part of the process and i cannot wait to see the changes over the next few months and even the next few years.
tomorrow is weigh-in and i think it is going to be pretty good. i am a eating like i am getting over scurvy today! lots of healthies! i had cottage cheese and tomato for brekkie (which i adore), lunch was a big salad with tuna, tomato and cuke and a cup of asian noodle soup. and for dinner it will be spaghetti squash with a chicken tomato sauce with zucchini, mushrooms and peppers. lots o' veggies today.
c'monnnn scale.....mama needs a smaller pair of gotchies!
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
aye aye ariba ariba!
i love thunderstorms.
i love big old fat raindrops that flood the streets and dark black skies in the afternoon.
thunderstorms are one of my favourite things about summer, alongside the searing temperatures and tan inducing sunny goodness, of course. i really miss these storms in the wintertime, and i love that we are in the season where the rain is returning.
the sky is darkening here in Calgary. it is only 10C, so i don't anticipate a raging thunderstorm, but it would be nice to have a hard rainfall for a while. i think it would be appropriate for the grass to start turning green on St. Paddy's Day.
i have just finished (half of) a zumba workout which made me feel both great and crappy at the same time. i think it is so much fun, and i love the music and the dancing - but the video i am doing is just so fast that i am out of breath in the first 2 minutes and i get frustrated that i can't move this body of mine quite as fast as the tight little latinas on the video.
i think the workout gives me a few goals to work towards though...
1) to actually be able to finish the thing (it is 55 minutes long, and so far i have just managed the first 30 minutes)
2) to keep up with the incredibly fast steps and gyrations
3) to actually look hot doing it, like the rest of those hip swivelling chiquitas
i'll get there, one merengue at a time.
i love big old fat raindrops that flood the streets and dark black skies in the afternoon.
thunderstorms are one of my favourite things about summer, alongside the searing temperatures and tan inducing sunny goodness, of course. i really miss these storms in the wintertime, and i love that we are in the season where the rain is returning.
the sky is darkening here in Calgary. it is only 10C, so i don't anticipate a raging thunderstorm, but it would be nice to have a hard rainfall for a while. i think it would be appropriate for the grass to start turning green on St. Paddy's Day.
i have just finished (half of) a zumba workout which made me feel both great and crappy at the same time. i think it is so much fun, and i love the music and the dancing - but the video i am doing is just so fast that i am out of breath in the first 2 minutes and i get frustrated that i can't move this body of mine quite as fast as the tight little latinas on the video.
i think the workout gives me a few goals to work towards though...
1) to actually be able to finish the thing (it is 55 minutes long, and so far i have just managed the first 30 minutes)
2) to keep up with the incredibly fast steps and gyrations
3) to actually look hot doing it, like the rest of those hip swivelling chiquitas
i'll get there, one merengue at a time.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
brrrr....
it was supposed to be a whopping 19C today, but it only peaked out at 13C. not impressed.
i was hoping to take my laptop and work phone out in the backyard this afternoon to catch some rays and soak up the warmth while i worked...but it wasn't warm enough, sunny enough or quiet enough at work to get away with it. boo. hisss.
both C and i had to work late again tonight, so no exercise for me either. i am still expecting a client to call this evening and i don't want to be huffing and puffing if he calls mid-zumba. but heaven help him if he even thinks of calling during LOST. he may be cute (i stalk my clients on facebook) - but looks will not forgive that sin.
just heard some worrisome news from my dad that my stepsister went to the hospital for fever and vomitting and ended up having emergency surgery lastnight to remove a 4" tumor on her ovary which was cutting off her blood supply. so my thoughts are with her for the next few weeks until she gets biopsy results.
my eating has been good, but i am a starvin' marvin' right now so i best be fixing dinner. on tonight's menu, steak, scalloped potatoes and steamed broc. mmm mmm good.
i was hoping to take my laptop and work phone out in the backyard this afternoon to catch some rays and soak up the warmth while i worked...but it wasn't warm enough, sunny enough or quiet enough at work to get away with it. boo. hisss.
both C and i had to work late again tonight, so no exercise for me either. i am still expecting a client to call this evening and i don't want to be huffing and puffing if he calls mid-zumba. but heaven help him if he even thinks of calling during LOST. he may be cute (i stalk my clients on facebook) - but looks will not forgive that sin.
just heard some worrisome news from my dad that my stepsister went to the hospital for fever and vomitting and ended up having emergency surgery lastnight to remove a 4" tumor on her ovary which was cutting off her blood supply. so my thoughts are with her for the next few weeks until she gets biopsy results.
my eating has been good, but i am a starvin' marvin' right now so i best be fixing dinner. on tonight's menu, steak, scalloped potatoes and steamed broc. mmm mmm good.
Monday, March 15, 2010
i hate jillian michaels..
...but i am a warrior.
i almost didn't get a workout in today. i ended up working a bit later than usual and i thought that C and i would go for a walk when he got home. but alas, he had to work late too, and i couldn't justify just sitting there on the couch waiting for his cute patootie to walk through the door. so i did it!
stupid shred...frickin....frackin...jillian...frick.
i am proud of myself though.
in other random thoughts, i miss my sister today. she lives in ontario and is 10 years older than me... but god, when we get together we LAUGH. we have the same twisted senses of humour and i miss having someone (other than C) who really gets me. it is hard not having any girlfriends around. i am really bummed that she won't be able to come out for the family wedding in BC in April. guess i will just have to spend all day every day at wine tastings and hope i forget how much i miss her. *tear*
i almost didn't get a workout in today. i ended up working a bit later than usual and i thought that C and i would go for a walk when he got home. but alas, he had to work late too, and i couldn't justify just sitting there on the couch waiting for his cute patootie to walk through the door. so i did it!
stupid shred...frickin....frackin...jillian...frick.
i am proud of myself though.
in other random thoughts, i miss my sister today. she lives in ontario and is 10 years older than me... but god, when we get together we LAUGH. we have the same twisted senses of humour and i miss having someone (other than C) who really gets me. it is hard not having any girlfriends around. i am really bummed that she won't be able to come out for the family wedding in BC in April. guess i will just have to spend all day every day at wine tastings and hope i forget how much i miss her. *tear*
Sunday, March 14, 2010
owning it.
i am absolutely exhausted (for no good reason), but i thought i would get a little bloggity before going to bed.
we had a nice relaxing weekend, and i am sad to see monday come.
this morning we set out with a plan to find a great Dim Sum place in calgary and we ended up at a chinese buffet (eeek, scary!)...this was a total exercise in self retraint, but i think i passed. i got only the stuff i loved, and i enjoyed every bite. i ended up using most of my points in that one meal today, but i ate it, tracked it and owned it.
i even had a couple glasses of wine when i got home, and i still half half my flex left for the rest of the week. i think that counts as a success.
C starts his new work schedule this week, which means i will have him home at 5:30pm instead of 8:00pm which is AWESOME. i feel like a lot of my challenges with weight loss in the last few months have come because we have been eating dinner at 9pm. i am so looking forward to eating at a normal hour and maybe even have time to go for a walk afterwards. this will deifnitely work in my favour (and i get to have him around more which is a huge bonus!)..
i will take some underoo pictures this week, i promise (because i am sure you are all waiting for them with baited breath...ha!)...
...and a quick note to the universe: 'i am going to be 175 lbs again - make it so.'
g'night.
xox
we had a nice relaxing weekend, and i am sad to see monday come.
this morning we set out with a plan to find a great Dim Sum place in calgary and we ended up at a chinese buffet (eeek, scary!)...this was a total exercise in self retraint, but i think i passed. i got only the stuff i loved, and i enjoyed every bite. i ended up using most of my points in that one meal today, but i ate it, tracked it and owned it.
i even had a couple glasses of wine when i got home, and i still half half my flex left for the rest of the week. i think that counts as a success.
C starts his new work schedule this week, which means i will have him home at 5:30pm instead of 8:00pm which is AWESOME. i feel like a lot of my challenges with weight loss in the last few months have come because we have been eating dinner at 9pm. i am so looking forward to eating at a normal hour and maybe even have time to go for a walk afterwards. this will deifnitely work in my favour (and i get to have him around more which is a huge bonus!)..
i will take some underoo pictures this week, i promise (because i am sure you are all waiting for them with baited breath...ha!)...
...and a quick note to the universe: 'i am going to be 175 lbs again - make it so.'
g'night.
xox
Saturday, March 13, 2010
come what may..
i feel very tranquil and at peace today.
it has been a very lackadaisical day..just lazing on the couch, doing a little baking, a little tidying, and a little soul searching.
i have been thinking a lot about my work lately. my business. my future. and i am not too sure what path to take.
i have my own travel business. i work closely with one of the biggest travel brands out there. i love travel . i love being my own boss. it seems like a logical pairing, no? but i don't love my job. i find it frustrating and repetative. i don't have confidence in myself and what i have to offer my clients. quite frankly, i would rather spend my life doing something else.
a good friend of mine, L, sent me a link today to a pretty awesome video:
http://www.ted.com/talks/gary_vaynerchuk_do_what_you_love_no_excuses.html
it is a very successful business man talking about what it means, and what it takes to be a successful business owner. and one of the first things he says is that, "if you don't love your job - stop doing it. there is no reason in this day and age that you should have to make a living doing something you don't love."
this hit home for me. but it also scared me. what else is there to do? i went out on a limb to start this business, and i love the perks of working from home and being my own boss. what else could i do that would allow me the same liberties?
in a perfect world i would be writing a book. i would be taking photos and i would be getting paid for it. people would know and love my work, and doing these things i enjoy would pay the bills. but living life as a freelance author/photographer ain't gonna bring home much bacon.
as i have pondered this today, i have felt very calm - as if today is a day where i take an important step in the direction that my life was meant to go. does that mean that i will pack up the travel brochures and shut down the business? no. i will continue to work on that, and work on loving it. maybe i just need to change my attitude, and put forth more energy on making the business successful and enjoyable, instead of lamenting my choice.
that certainly doesn't mean i will be doing this job forever, but maybe just until my passion gets off the ground in whatever realm it chooses to embody. i am anxious to see where i end up.
it has been a very lackadaisical day..just lazing on the couch, doing a little baking, a little tidying, and a little soul searching.
i have been thinking a lot about my work lately. my business. my future. and i am not too sure what path to take.
i have my own travel business. i work closely with one of the biggest travel brands out there. i love travel . i love being my own boss. it seems like a logical pairing, no? but i don't love my job. i find it frustrating and repetative. i don't have confidence in myself and what i have to offer my clients. quite frankly, i would rather spend my life doing something else.
a good friend of mine, L, sent me a link today to a pretty awesome video:
http://www.ted.com/talks/gary_vaynerchuk_do_what_you_love_no_excuses.html
it is a very successful business man talking about what it means, and what it takes to be a successful business owner. and one of the first things he says is that, "if you don't love your job - stop doing it. there is no reason in this day and age that you should have to make a living doing something you don't love."
this hit home for me. but it also scared me. what else is there to do? i went out on a limb to start this business, and i love the perks of working from home and being my own boss. what else could i do that would allow me the same liberties?
in a perfect world i would be writing a book. i would be taking photos and i would be getting paid for it. people would know and love my work, and doing these things i enjoy would pay the bills. but living life as a freelance author/photographer ain't gonna bring home much bacon.
as i have pondered this today, i have felt very calm - as if today is a day where i take an important step in the direction that my life was meant to go. does that mean that i will pack up the travel brochures and shut down the business? no. i will continue to work on that, and work on loving it. maybe i just need to change my attitude, and put forth more energy on making the business successful and enjoyable, instead of lamenting my choice.
that certainly doesn't mean i will be doing this job forever, but maybe just until my passion gets off the ground in whatever realm it chooses to embody. i am anxious to see where i end up.
Friday, March 12, 2010
oh yeah, in weight loss news...
...because that is why we are here after all!
i had my WI today and was down 2 lbs and am back down to my lowest weight on this round of WW (247). i tracked all week, and even got some activity in!
i have been feeling super focused and i am so determined to look in that mirror and actually like what i see.
i am sooo ready to say goodbye to the 240s and plan to do it before i go to BC on April 8th - and you can hold me to it!
i had my WI today and was down 2 lbs and am back down to my lowest weight on this round of WW (247). i tracked all week, and even got some activity in!
i have been feeling super focused and i am so determined to look in that mirror and actually like what i see.
i am sooo ready to say goodbye to the 240s and plan to do it before i go to BC on April 8th - and you can hold me to it!
mountain momma
C and i have lofty dreams. we talk about them often, and we talk about them with complete belief that they will come to fruition. if you can't believe in your dreams, what can you believe in?
we have been spending the last few weeks searching for property in the mountains. yes, we live in Calgary and can see the mountains from the front walk, but that just isn't good enough for us.
the last time we went to Banff, as we drove through the craggy Rockies, i had this feeling in my heart - behind my heart even - it was a feeling that that was where i really belonged. looking at the mountains fills me up inside, and i think i could be infinitely happy to live amongst them.
we are looking for a farmhouse on a couple of acres, where we can look UP and see the mountains, not just see them in the distance. i want land where our (future) dogs can gallop in the fields. i want to take mountain walks each day, with a baby strapped to my front, pointing out different trees and birds. i want our children to grow up playing in the trees and lakes, and not sitting in front of a tv playing video games.
we want to install solar panels on the roof and collect rainwater to shower in. we want a huge fruit and vegetable garden. i want to spend the change of each season jarring food to have on hand for the rest of the year. we want to live off the grid and be self sufficient.
i want to continue to work from home. i love the idea of being home with my kids and still being able to bring in some money for the family.
i want to wake up in the morning and only hear the sound of the birds and the water nearby. i want to walk out my front door and not see a neighbour anywhere. i want to see the sun rise over the peaks and set over the lake. i want to have weinie and marshmellow roasts in the backyard whenever the kids want to.
i just want to be.
i don't want to worry about rushhour traffic or road rage. i don't want to hear the neighbours through the wall. i want peace, quiet, nature and freedom.
we want to be close enough to a larger town so that we have amenities when we need them, and C will need to work, of course. we hope that there might be a job for him with Parks Canada, or one of the local resorts. we have looked at the Alberta side of the Rockies and the BC side, and there are some amazing properties out there.
so as we both get up for work each day, this is what we are working towards. talking about this dream makes us smile, brings us closer and makes our hearts sing.
it is going to be one hell of a happy ever after.
we have been spending the last few weeks searching for property in the mountains. yes, we live in Calgary and can see the mountains from the front walk, but that just isn't good enough for us.
the last time we went to Banff, as we drove through the craggy Rockies, i had this feeling in my heart - behind my heart even - it was a feeling that that was where i really belonged. looking at the mountains fills me up inside, and i think i could be infinitely happy to live amongst them.
we are looking for a farmhouse on a couple of acres, where we can look UP and see the mountains, not just see them in the distance. i want land where our (future) dogs can gallop in the fields. i want to take mountain walks each day, with a baby strapped to my front, pointing out different trees and birds. i want our children to grow up playing in the trees and lakes, and not sitting in front of a tv playing video games.
we want to install solar panels on the roof and collect rainwater to shower in. we want a huge fruit and vegetable garden. i want to spend the change of each season jarring food to have on hand for the rest of the year. we want to live off the grid and be self sufficient.
i want to continue to work from home. i love the idea of being home with my kids and still being able to bring in some money for the family.
i want to wake up in the morning and only hear the sound of the birds and the water nearby. i want to walk out my front door and not see a neighbour anywhere. i want to see the sun rise over the peaks and set over the lake. i want to have weinie and marshmellow roasts in the backyard whenever the kids want to.
i just want to be.
i don't want to worry about rushhour traffic or road rage. i don't want to hear the neighbours through the wall. i want peace, quiet, nature and freedom.
we want to be close enough to a larger town so that we have amenities when we need them, and C will need to work, of course. we hope that there might be a job for him with Parks Canada, or one of the local resorts. we have looked at the Alberta side of the Rockies and the BC side, and there are some amazing properties out there.
so as we both get up for work each day, this is what we are working towards. talking about this dream makes us smile, brings us closer and makes our hearts sing.
it is going to be one hell of a happy ever after.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
i licked the bowl clean
it is amazing how greatly my mood can change from one day to the next. yesterday i was vile.
it just wasn't a good day.
and then today, after a glorious 10 hours of dead-as-a-log sleep...the sun came out, in every sense! cem got approved for a new work schedule that will grant us enough money to both pay the rent AND buy groceries! he also got approved for the jaunt we are taking to BC for my cousin's wedding next month. i organized a payment plan with the government. i have a booking in the works at work. my legs ache from yesterday's workout (i like that feeling). cem is off to a hockey game tonight in the company box which he is thrilled about (so i am thrilled for him). AND i had such a wicked lunch of faux-alfredo, i licked the bowl clean!
i have struggled a lot lately with a lot of things, which is unlike me. i am a pretty laid back person and it takes a lot to get me stressed or worried, but my whole life has been a big ball of stress for the last year. i think there finally might be light at the end of that tunnel.
- i hadn't had my ridiculously neccesary 10 hours of sleep the night before..
- i was swamped and overwhelmed at work all day and it was all in vain; not a penny to show for it...
- i had to feud it out with the government regarding an overpayment of my EI which i magically have to find the money to pay back...
- i was arguing with cem about whether we should do our taxes ourselves or send them out...
- i was upset that the kitchen was a mess and i am almost always the one who actually cleans it...
it just wasn't a good day.
and then today, after a glorious 10 hours of dead-as-a-log sleep...the sun came out, in every sense! cem got approved for a new work schedule that will grant us enough money to both pay the rent AND buy groceries! he also got approved for the jaunt we are taking to BC for my cousin's wedding next month. i organized a payment plan with the government. i have a booking in the works at work. my legs ache from yesterday's workout (i like that feeling). cem is off to a hockey game tonight in the company box which he is thrilled about (so i am thrilled for him). AND i had such a wicked lunch of faux-alfredo, i licked the bowl clean!
i have struggled a lot lately with a lot of things, which is unlike me. i am a pretty laid back person and it takes a lot to get me stressed or worried, but my whole life has been a big ball of stress for the last year. i think there finally might be light at the end of that tunnel.
Tuesday, March 09, 2010
a lobatomy for one, please
the mean old Shaw cableguy came and took our digital cable boxes away today. it wasn't because we hadn't paid them or anything, but money is rather tight at the moment and we thought we would downsize.
i think it is a good step, not only because of the savings, but because i think we spend far too much time sitting in front of the tv instead of doing intellectual things like reading, talking to each other, or having wild monkey sex.
but it also means that we have to be subjected to basic cable craziness such as According to Jim and Reba - yikes! just shoot me now.
now that summer is around the corner, i think that this will help to get us off the couch and out into the real world. we have become rather anti-social since moving to Calgary. sure, we don't have many friends here, so it is to be expected. but with me working at home, cem being off work and home with me for 5 days at a time, and us having no money - i can go weeks without speaking to anyone else but cem and the cats.
the scary thing is, the cats are starting to talk back.
xox
i think it is a good step, not only because of the savings, but because i think we spend far too much time sitting in front of the tv instead of doing intellectual things like reading, talking to each other, or having wild monkey sex.
but it also means that we have to be subjected to basic cable craziness such as According to Jim and Reba - yikes! just shoot me now.
now that summer is around the corner, i think that this will help to get us off the couch and out into the real world. we have become rather anti-social since moving to Calgary. sure, we don't have many friends here, so it is to be expected. but with me working at home, cem being off work and home with me for 5 days at a time, and us having no money - i can go weeks without speaking to anyone else but cem and the cats.
the scary thing is, the cats are starting to talk back.
xox
Monday, March 08, 2010
putting it all out there
today i decided, what better way to own up to this need for change, than to post the picture that started the ball rolling.
if you look to your right, i have just posted the glorious Before picture. it still makes me shake my head to look at it, as i never thought i was that big. i have the opposite problem of all of the anorexics out there. instead of looking in the mirror and seeing a fat person, i look in the mirror and see a thin(ish) person. maybe that is how the problem started. no one, other than the photographer, has ever seen that photo.
also to your right you have one of my favourite pictures of myself. skinny, happy, glowing me (circa 2005). when i come to this page everyday, instead of looking at the Before pic and hating myself, i will look at the Old (soon to be New) Me pic and get excited about becoming that girl again.
i think this week i will take some real progress pic in my underoos (ok, maybe a bit more than that), and post those to keep me accountable. consider that your first warning. it won't be pretty.
anyhow, i had a great weekend and tracked it all, even the three bottles of wine. i refuse to give up the things i love as i know it will never stick in the long run...and wine is certainly no exception! ditto to the homemade bread that cem has been making several times a week. i am a lucky girl.
until next time.
xox
if you look to your right, i have just posted the glorious Before picture. it still makes me shake my head to look at it, as i never thought i was that big. i have the opposite problem of all of the anorexics out there. instead of looking in the mirror and seeing a fat person, i look in the mirror and see a thin(ish) person. maybe that is how the problem started. no one, other than the photographer, has ever seen that photo.
also to your right you have one of my favourite pictures of myself. skinny, happy, glowing me (circa 2005). when i come to this page everyday, instead of looking at the Before pic and hating myself, i will look at the Old (soon to be New) Me pic and get excited about becoming that girl again.
i think this week i will take some real progress pic in my underoos (ok, maybe a bit more than that), and post those to keep me accountable. consider that your first warning. it won't be pretty.
anyhow, i had a great weekend and tracked it all, even the three bottles of wine. i refuse to give up the things i love as i know it will never stick in the long run...and wine is certainly no exception! ditto to the homemade bread that cem has been making several times a week. i am a lucky girl.
until next time.
xox
Sunday, March 07, 2010
hello, old friend
it has been over 4 years since i wrote in this blog. and it is amazing what can happen in those four years.
in 2005, i had just returned from a life changing year in australia. it was a time in my life when i wore a bikini at 200lbs and did not care what anyone thought of me. i went to the beach 5 days a week and all i ate was chickpeas and tuna because that was all i could afford after drinking away my waitressing tips on the weekends. it was a good year.
since then, i have changed careers, fallen in love, moved across the country, lived in the deep dark pit of despair that is northern alberta, became a cat momma, got engaged, moved to glorious calgary, started my own business, and have since decided that i want to spend the rest of my days, with the love of my life in the middle of the mountains collecting rainwater to shower in. i am growing up.
the one thing that has not changed in those four years is the battle with my weight. the last time i wrote in this blog i was a weight loss consultant who had just shed 40lbs and i was smokin'. i had confidence (in all my pixie haired glory), i wore a size 10 and i was so happy with myself.
unfortunately, after running out on my career of weight loss counselling, i dove into a vat of kraft dinner and never looked back. so here i am, with zero self esteem, wearing a size 20 and weighing more than i could have ever imagined. i feel like it happened overnight and i had no control over it.
i know they say that when you fall in love and are happy that you get a little lax and can gain a few pounds -but i gained 90lbs. NINETY POUNDS of happiness. and look where it got me - to the saddest place i have ever been.
i joined weightwatchers a few times over the years to get in control of this weight loss beast and it never took. this time around on WW, i have lost 12 pounds in 8 months. seriously? i could have been down 80lbs by now, and i ate away the opportunity.
so i am hoping that writing about the adventure will get me back on track. i used to write everyday, and i loved it. it was cathartic, and i thought it made me a better person. so i am taking that love of writing, with the severe need to lose weight and am hoping they help get me to where i need to be.
i am getting married in 10 months, and i WILL NOT be wearing a size 20 wedding dress. i will start trying to have babies as soon as i am married, and i will not be an unhealthy 250lb pregnant woman.
i want to be healthy, i want to be beautiful, i want to be happy with who i am. it's my time.
in 2005, i had just returned from a life changing year in australia. it was a time in my life when i wore a bikini at 200lbs and did not care what anyone thought of me. i went to the beach 5 days a week and all i ate was chickpeas and tuna because that was all i could afford after drinking away my waitressing tips on the weekends. it was a good year.
since then, i have changed careers, fallen in love, moved across the country, lived in the deep dark pit of despair that is northern alberta, became a cat momma, got engaged, moved to glorious calgary, started my own business, and have since decided that i want to spend the rest of my days, with the love of my life in the middle of the mountains collecting rainwater to shower in. i am growing up.
the one thing that has not changed in those four years is the battle with my weight. the last time i wrote in this blog i was a weight loss consultant who had just shed 40lbs and i was smokin'. i had confidence (in all my pixie haired glory), i wore a size 10 and i was so happy with myself.
unfortunately, after running out on my career of weight loss counselling, i dove into a vat of kraft dinner and never looked back. so here i am, with zero self esteem, wearing a size 20 and weighing more than i could have ever imagined. i feel like it happened overnight and i had no control over it.
i know they say that when you fall in love and are happy that you get a little lax and can gain a few pounds -but i gained 90lbs. NINETY POUNDS of happiness. and look where it got me - to the saddest place i have ever been.
i joined weightwatchers a few times over the years to get in control of this weight loss beast and it never took. this time around on WW, i have lost 12 pounds in 8 months. seriously? i could have been down 80lbs by now, and i ate away the opportunity.
so i am hoping that writing about the adventure will get me back on track. i used to write everyday, and i loved it. it was cathartic, and i thought it made me a better person. so i am taking that love of writing, with the severe need to lose weight and am hoping they help get me to where i need to be.
i am getting married in 10 months, and i WILL NOT be wearing a size 20 wedding dress. i will start trying to have babies as soon as i am married, and i will not be an unhealthy 250lb pregnant woman.
i want to be healthy, i want to be beautiful, i want to be happy with who i am. it's my time.
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