it's not the little things that matter

cuz im not so little anymore!!

..so i never claimed that math was my strong point..and that was certainly demonstrated yesterday when i was trying to figure out someone else's height and realized that i had the math all wrong! without getting into the nitty gritty, let me just leave you with the only tidbit that matters.....IM NOT 5'4!!!!!!!
i am back into the world of 5'5 (though, i am rounding up a little more than i thought neccesary)....but at least im not rounding up to 5'4 like i was before. who knew that this actually mattered that much? ...or does it actually matter all?

all i know, is that once again, all is well and right in the (non-midget) world...

xox

forced to let go

isn't it amazing how people from your past can just sneak up on you and kick you right where it hurts? people who have been out of your life for years and years....the same people you saw evolve into grownups, but you thought you would never hear from again?
i got an MSN message lastnight, just as i had hopped into bed...and of course, curiousity got to me...so i checked up on it. turns out it was an old flame of mine. someone who i once thought was my soulmate. anyhow, we last talked about a year ago and he told me that he was planning on asking his current girlfriend (the one that came right after me) to marry him. i figured it was coming, so i wasn't all that taken aback.
so, then, you ask.....why would i feel like i had been kicked in the gut when i was so lovingly informed lastnight that she was expecting his child?
babies are just so final i guess....and just knowing that this guy had gone from virginal churchgoer to party-dude to loving father caught me a little off guard. everyone around me is growing up and i am kind of being left behind.
so after the shock (and nausea) had subsided, i got over it...i wish all the best for him, i really do...but next time, i hope the old beaus keep the juicy details to themselves.
xox

cuz joe said so...

so i have this busdriver named joe. he drives me to work everyday, accosting me as soon as i get on the bus so i will sit close to him and chat for the whole engrossing 20 minute ride. you know that annoying chick who sits up front and talks to the driver? ya, thats me.
joe and i talk about things all across the spectrum, from psychics and family to barbequeing and wine. today's topic of conversation? one of joe's favourite...my love life.
joe has been away on holiday for a couple of weeks (it was amazing to actually get caught up on my reading in one of the backseats like a normal person while he was gone), and he wanted some updates on my dates and the weddings i have been to. so i filled him in on the fiasco with the ex and he jumped right in with his usual, "oh pam, you will know when you find someone right...relationships are all about compromise, but you have to find someone who actually CARES about you, not just someone who likes you.." followed with the ever so flattering yet totally overdone, "you are so attractive, beautiful and nice, that you will find the right guy."
we occasioanlly touch on things a little more controversial, such as the multicultural state of mississauga or child rearing. he has a funny way of saying something that i disagree with off the bat, but that suddenly makes sense coming from a little 50-something italian fella. today, it was the concept of people making mistakes.
joe started off the discussion by saying that no one actually makes mistakes unless they want to. i jumped in with an immediate rebuttal (sometimes a mistake actually is a mistake...), but i tell ya, i think joe actually does know what he is talking about. he made me realize that in life (or in this particular case, a relationship), a person almost always know whats the consequences are. a person who cheats knows that the person he is cheating on will get hurt. there is no mistake in cheating, it is merely a choice. you chose to make a wrong decision, you chose your actions and you chose your own course of action.
i am often guilty of giving someone the benefit of the doubt (everyone deserves a fair chance, right?)..but sometimes you have just gotta stand up for yourself...and i have given a few too many people a few too many chances.
from now on, *I* am the one who is going to do the chosing. *I* am the one who is going to stop getting hurt, and *I* am the one who is gonna take my life (and my relationships) into my own hands! it may have taken me 26 years to figure this out, but i think it's about time that is sunk in.
now if only i could get a date with that transfer.....
xox

life as i have known it has been forever altered

i had a very upsetting realization today. i dont know why it is so important, but the matter of the fact is that, yes, it *IS* upsetting and there is not a cotton-pickin thing i can do about it. it changes who i am and what i believe myself to be. yes everyone, this is big.
today i found out, ever so dissapointingly, that i am only 5 ' 4" tall. all my life, (well, my full grown adult life)..i have always been 5'5. it was a good number. a nice symmetrical number...a NORMAL number. but today, i have been deemed "short."
who knew my height had such a bearing on who i was...but come on people, 5 foot 4??! and that is pushing it...i actually had to round UP! so what do i do with this information? do i go and change my licence? do i have to actually phone everyone in my phone book who describes me as the one with "blue eyes, brown hair, 5 foot 5 inches tall.." and let them know the dirty truth of the matter? or do i continue the facade?
i've always known i would shrink as i got older, but between the extra grey hair today and the height thing today...it can get pretty darn depressing. pretty soon i'm gonna have to wear heels on the bus so joe can see me over the ticket taker!
so to all those i know, please prepare yourselves to see the Incredible Shrinking Woman the next time we are together...and to the Machete Weilding Little Lady whose job-loss is still being blamed on me....HA HA, im still taller than you!!
xox