i kill bugs dead

as i sit here inhaling Raid fumes, i find myself pondering some of the negatives of being a single girl living alone.

i have just had a very traumatic experience...so traumatic, in fact, that even typing about it gives me goosebumps on every inch of my body and makes me want to vomit onto my keyboard. i just got home from work, was getting changed into my comfies, when i notice all of a sudden, something falling from the ceiling in the kitchen. i look down, nothing. i look up, nothing. i look down again, and up again, and probably do this about 6 times horrifyingly pondering the possibilities of what just fell from my ceiling. flaking paint? no, the apartment is newly painted. a dust bunny? possibly, but they tend to float and not make a noise upon falling. as much as i wanted it to be one of these acceptable objects, i knew it wasn't. i really did know what fell, i was just in denial. it was........ an insect.

now, those who know me well know that i do not get along well with insects. especially those that have 8 creepy, jointed legs. as i stood there in my kitchen clutching the Raid can with white knuckled hands, i feared the worst. then finally, i spied the culprit. it was worse than i thought. it wasn't a spider (for if it was i would probably be hyperventalating in the fetal position right now)...but it was every apartment dwellers worst enemy: a cockroach.

now, dont they say that where there is one cockroach, there is many? i chose not to think about that, but now as i type, i remember my days in australia, waking up to 6 cockroaches dead on the kitchen floor. the thing about oz is that cockraches are like mosquitos...even the cleanest of places have them , so you dont get too worked up... but i think in canada it is different. i know i havent vaccumed in a while, but geeeez, my place isn't THAT dirty.

now, i live in a basement apartment..which, to begin with, is hard enough for me (so many reoccuring childhood dreams of sleeping in basements and getting stabbed with needles)...but i got over that. those darned small windows..yes, unfortunate, but dammit this place is cute and sunshine is highly overrated....but....bugs? heaven help me. what i need is a big burly man to kill my bugs and protect me in the night so that they don't eat me while i sleep. any applicants??

anyhow, it took me about a half hour of spraying, and following that damn bug around my house as it died a slow and painful death (i can't smush bugs, i just can't take the sound....and you have to keep track of it so you don't lose it!)...so i just might be high on Raid at the moment, but i am feeling somewhat satisfied that another one has bitten the dust.

well, if i survive the night i will let you know. if not, you may find my cold body gripping the Raid can while i lay in bed with the covers over my head and a large insect knawing at my leg. just as long as you quote Ani Difranco on my tombstone: "i killed a cockroach so big, it left a puddle of pus on my wall" go ani go..you are obviously more of a woman than i will ever be!

xox