smile like you mean it

i find it so fascinating when two people can look at the exact same person yet have two totally different opinions on them. especially when one of those people is yourself and it is YOU you are forming an opinion on.

how can the other person not see the bulges, the cellulite, the cheeks that are far too rosy? can they not see that i am just a scared little girl who is not sure which way to look and is just trying not to fall down. they say confidence is sexy, but what does it mean if other people see it in you, but inside you don't feel it. can you be a Confidence Fraud? a Con of the Con.

this is not a pity party for me, i swear...i am just trying to get my head around this. maybe i am delirious because it is shortly aftter 7am and i am still half asleep. (why i choose to write before my morning coffee i do not know...) are we all programmed to see certain things in people? to look past the bloodshot eyes to the soul...to look past the yellow teeth to the laugh..or past the 36Ds right to the heart.

i need to stop judging. myself, others. it is probably one of those most destructive things one can do, and the toughest to overcome. but i guess, even if you don't feel it in yourself some days...just fake it. walk with your head held high (even if you are looking out of the corner of your eye for icey patches of asphalt) and smile as if everything in your life is going your way..because, actually...it is.

xox