take me as i am

it's amazing how from day to day, everything in your life can just turn upside down. one morning, nothing could be better...your love life is actually picking up in a skip-a-beat kind of way, and you are so happy to be going to work in the morning to spend the day laughing and joking and actually making money at the same time. and then the next day, you find yourself questioning how much longer you can stay in your job, and questioning the validity of the relationships you are pursuing.

if only we were given a handbook on life before we are sent out into the world, though i suppose life is a handbook unto itself. we can't appreciate all of the good times, without a few rough ones along the way. but i just wish i could get into people's heads sometimes...find out what makes them tick...find out what exactly they want from me. i feel like everyone wants something different and i am being pulled in so many different directions.

but newsflash, everyone. i am one person. i am the way i am. i am moody, i am too self involved, i eat chocolate when i'm lonley. i can't yell at people, i hate not knowing and i can't stand disorganization. sometimes i like going to bed at 8:30, i like being in control and i am prone to jealousy. i will adore you like no other, but i need to be adored in return, i cook only when neccesary and sometimes have ice cream for breakfast.

i am not a ruthless salesperson, i am not a doormat and i am not financially stable. i need reassurance, i need to be liked and i need to stop spending money. i can't be everything to everyone, but i am doing my best. sometimes you just need to accept someone for who they are, faults and all, and not expect to live up to your every expectation. no one means to dissapoint.

so maybe i am just whining, but sometimes i feel like the world just doesnt get it. doesnt get me. to be honest, i dont even get myself these days. i have to figure out what i want, who i want it from and then go out and find it.

it's just a little scary somtimes. i'm afraid to show the world who i really am...because if i show who i really am, and no one likes it.....thats all i've got.

xox