mama mia..

it seems that every conversation i have with my mother ends up about weight.

every woman in my family has had weight issues, so it is something that has been in my face since i was a chubby 4 year old.  i remember both of my parents (who were divorced at the time) taking me to the family doctor to find out why i was fat.  that is exactly what a nine year old needs, to be asked, "do you like being fat?"..yeah, because that didn't scar me at all.

my mom has tried it all over the years, from jenny craig and nutrisystem to weight watchers and Dr. Berstein.  she saw the most success with Dr. B (as most people do), going from a size 16 to a size 2.  this lasted a year or so until she started eating again (what a shocker).  but this experience has brainwashed her into believing that you cannot lose weight while still eating like a normal person.

so mom goes on these diets where all she eats everyday is chicken and broccoli.  she loses 25lbs, and then after a couple of bad weekends, she is back to where she started.  i can't seem to get through to her than you need to eat normally in order to keep the weight off.

so, we just ended another conversation about how she has put her most recent loss of 17lbs back on.  she asked me how my diet was going, and i said i was hanging steady at about 15lbs gone.  "Oh, you have the same trouble as me.." she says.  well, not exactly.  i have never stopped eating what i loved and am losing it slowly, and am keeping the majority of my weight off.

no wonder i am stressed about seeing my family in a couple of weeks, and of fitting my own behind in a wedding gown.  my family is fixated on size and weight.  and even though i know they love me for who i am, i know they are judging.  that's who we are - we are judgers.

so, all i can do is put on my happy face, pretend i am confident and that i love my body and hope that they believe it.