glug glug glug.

so, here's the thing....doing it "on my own" is not going so well.

i don't have the money to start up my WW etools again, or go to meetings, so i am going to have to figure out a different way of doing it on my own.

i can go back to counting points, as i still have my slider from 11 years ago - but i am a terrible journaller, and i don't know if WW is the answer for me right now.

but what *IS* the answer?  leaving myself to my own devices is definitely not the answer either.  in the last week i have consumed brownies (that C baked with accidently twice as much butter as the recipe called for), ice cream, an amazingly delicious but huge burger and fries at Montana's, an ice cream sandwich, virtually no fruit or vegetables and a couple of cheese buns with a large amount of non-lean luncheon meat.

i know once we have some good groceries in the house (we are down to Mother Hubbard's Cupboard right now), things will be easier.  i am trying to convince myself to have a salad for lunch at least 3 days a week (with some protein on it) and salad for dinner on those other nights.  i will keep up with my cottage cheese breakfasts, and then dinner will just be a simple protein/veg/sometimes starch combo.  sounds do-able, but my brain does not always agree.

i am just sick of feeling like a slug, and this last week i have.  i feel extra fat.  i just did WATP, and it seemed more challenging than it did lastweek because my blood is trying to glug through my butter laden veins.  Oi.

so, my friends - here we go again.

getting there

the upside to today is:  i actually DID the 'Walk Away the Pounds - 2 mile' course today.

the not-so-upside:  i followed it with a big pasta lunch and a half cup of chocolate chips.

i feel icky.

238 days.

feeling a little down today, and not sure why.

i feel like a crappy travel agent, a crappy friend, and a crappy aspiring frugalista.

sure, it is raining and gloomy which can get some people down, but i love the rain and i also love wallowing in my own poopiness - so it is a good mood setter.

i wont get into the nitty gritty details, but i just feel like i have failed a few people, a few goals and a few ideals.

eating has been okay lately.  i made homemade pizzas lastnight, and actually prided myself on my self control.  i used to make a pizza dough recipe and use the whole thing for one pizza, and then eat half of that large pizza on my own.  that is 1/2 of a large dough recipe in my belly.

lastnight i made 2 thincrust pizzas out of the same recipe, and i ate 1/3 of one pizza.  that is 1/6 of the dough instead of 1/2!  go me!

i have also been trying to get myself up and moving.  there is no reason i can't do a Walk Away The Pounds video on my laptop down here in my office instead of surfing Perez Hilton and Facebook all day.  or how about i go for a walk in the afternoon.  or how about i do The Shred when i finish up work for the day.  so many possibilities for movement and activity, and instead - i sit here.  boo.

the wedding is in 238 days, and i sure as hell ain't gonna weight 240 pounds.  but i sure as hell ain't doing anything about it.

must.  get.  moving.

...and BREATHE.

camping was fan-diddly-tastic!

i love the fresh air, the water, the trees, the mountains, the meat on a stick, the grizzly bears roaming the campground.....oh wait, scratch that last one.

i didn't get to see them them with my own eyeballs, but everyone else sure did.  there were several GRIZZLY BEARS wandering around our campground this weekend, some as close as 25 feet from our tent.  i was stressed for most of the weekend, and we were all on edge, constantly looking around us - but we survived.

it definitely won't stop me from going back to gorgeous K Country, but i need to not think about bears for a while before going again!

i ate a lot of crap this weekend, but i didn't eat a ton in general.  sure, i had bacon and eggs for breakfast, many smokies on a stick, some Turkish Kofte (mini hamburger patty type things) and chips....oh and a 3 litre box of wine....but i wasn't out of control.

i was puffy when i got home (i stopped taking my blood pressure meds/diuretic so i wouldn't have to pee in the middle of the bear infested night), and have had some wierd indigestion/heartburn from all of the meat and stuff.....but am getting back into my regular scheduled healthier eating.

i will be happy to stay the same at weigh in on Friday since last week was such a great loss (i don't think i posted about that)...so we shall see.

yeee-hawww!

i want a pair of cowboy boots.  i live in Cowtown now, this should be allowed.

i love love love the sundress and cowboy boot look and i would love to get away with it.

...and she who does it all so well, Taylor Swift.  she may not be able to sing, but the girl can dress!

i may take what she has and run with it...my new fashion inspiration:

lions and tigers and BEARS - oh my!

well hello there.  so sorry for the delay, but one cannot update one's blog when one is stuffing food into one's face for weeks on end.

in actuality, it has been a lovely few weeks -  if you ask anyone but the scale.

in a last minute decision i ended up going back home to ontario to surprise my mom for Mother's day!  it was abosolutely fabulous, and the look on her face was absolutely priceless!  i have never seen her so shocked.  it was wonderful!  we also went to visit my 86 year old grandma (who lives in a home) on Mother's Day and she was thrilled as well.  she can't see very well (macular degeneration), but as soon as she heard my voice and saw my shape move into the room her jaw dropped.  she said so many times that it was the best day of her life and she will never forget it.  it just warms my heart and i feel so good about my decision to go home.

me, grandma, my sister and my mom

so i stayed in ontario from saturday - wednesday and it was a nice little reprieve.  i hadn't seen my mom and sister for a long time and it was great to spend some time together!

i arrived back home on wednesday and half heartedly got back into work.  i am still not loving how things are going with work right now, but am working towards getting some advertising going.  i think in order to really love my job, i need to get into some niche market that i love.  whether it be arranging wine tours, or trips into the mountains...or god-forbid, destination weddings.....i need something more than sending people to minneapolis for business.  i will think on that.

right now what is keeping me busy and happy is getting ready for the first camping trip of the season!  because of a ridiculous long weekend liquor ban at most provincial campsites, we are trying someplace new and are going to a fairly back country campsite at Kananaskis Lake.

the sites look absolutely gorgeous.  they are heavily treed, right on the lake with mountain views.  HEAVEN!

we are meeting our good friends H&S who are still back in Fort McMurray, as they are always our camping partners and we will have a grand time!

i am a little nervous at the beginning of each camping season as it is usually cold (it almost always snows in the mountains) and the bears are hungry.  i have never actually seen a bear on our camping excursions, but i have an irrational fear of getting mauled.  so, in order to combat my fear, i am reading a non fiction book on bears called "Grizzlyville", which surprisingly is making me feel a bit more educated and less scared.  granted, there are some awful mauling stories in the book, but a few statistics always leave me feeling a little better.  out of 750 000 black bears in Canada, there are "only"  three bear related deaths per year.  compare that to the fact that 1 out of 50 000 humans have committed murder* 

*i am not sure where this stat came from, and if it is factual, but let's just pretend it is, because it makes me feel better.

soooo....the sleeping bags are washed, the tent is airing out in the sunny backyard, and i am stoked.  let the summery fun begin!!

seriously now.

well, yesterday had a little Good Day/Bad Day action going on.

the day started well, when i woke up and it felt like my cold was almost gone!  my throat wasn't all coated and my nose wasn't all stuffy - score!  ..but then, after a few minutes of being mobile, the stuffiness came back - with a cough!  lovely.

so after a gloriously hot shower, i went down to my office with tea in hand, and promptly won 2 tickets to the David Gray concert on the 17th!  i love my radio station.  i got a $50 gift card AND concert tickets within a couple of weeks.  sweet.

i had pondered a little yesterday about possibly going home to surprise my mom for Mother's Day.  i get fairly inexpensive Air Canada passes (my dad worked for AC for 43 years), so i thought i could swing it.  but alas, it was $200 that was better spent elsewhere, so i abandoned the idea.  i casually brought up the idea to my sister and she thought that Mom really needed a pick-me-up and offered to pay for half of the flight home!  so off to Ontario i go tomorrow!

the last time i saw my mom was 9 months ago during a stopover on the way home from Turkey.  that was only for an hour.  before that, i saw her for a day about a year and a half ago!  i miss her.  she will be totally thrilled and i can't wait to spend some time with her!  this also means i get to see my sister (and her new fiancé i haven't met yet) and my best friend and her new baby!!  HURRAY all around! 

so i hop on a flight tomorrow morning and am giddy about it.  i want to look super cute, as i am still very self conscious about my newly huge size around my family, so off i went to Superstore to pick out a couple of cute Joe items.

i was there shopping, with a few items in hand, just minding my own business.  i stopped to look at some tshirts and this large older gentleman man came up behind me and very matter-of-factly said, "Those are too small for you." 

ARE YOU KIDDING ME??  WHO SAYS THAT??  who decides that it is okay to go up to a complete stranger in a store and basically tell them that they are too fat to be looking at clothes there.  seriously now.  i was shocked.  i didn't know what to say or do.  i stood there, silent, and didn't even turn around to look at him.  i said "Huh."...becuase that was the only thing i could manage.  and off he shuffled.

at this time, of course, i thought of a bajillion different comebacks for him from, "Thanks for the tip, DOUCHEBAG" to "I don't believe i asked for your opinion, ASSHOLE".. *sigh* ..  it was not a good moment.  but i didn't let him ruin my day, and went off to the changeroom to try on a few items, ALL OF WHICH FIT, thankyouverymuch.  and i even ended up buying a couple of cute peasant tops.

my heart was beating hard and there may of been steam coming out of my ears, but i pulled myself together, finished my shop, and went back home to the man who loves me.

*sniffle*cough*snort*whine*

excuse my lack of posting but with all of this snow on the ground, i thought that maybe we had gone back in time to DECEMBER and i didn't even have a blog back then!

it is pretty gross outside.  snow, in may.  these are the days where i just want to cuddle under a blanket with some tea and arrowroot cookies.  AND.... i'm sick.  just a little sick.  but i NEVER get sick (it has been more than 3 years).  so when i am sick, i am whiny.

nothing too extraordinary to report though.  my eating has been mediocre.  i have decided to give points-counting a bit of a break, and have been trying to just eat heathy foods in normal portions.  *gasp*  a shocking concept, i know!  it is going okay, except for the belly full of whole wheat pasta and mozza i have going on right now.  it is comfort food, cut me some slack.

i have been seriously pondering (instead of only half-assedly pondering) joining a gym.  i have spent the last month looking into Aquafit classes (i realllllly want to do this), but everything just seems to expensive and too far away from my house for me to actually do it.  if it isn't convenient, i ain't going. 

but low and behold, C just found out from his coworker, that the Gold's gym that is less than 10 minutes from my house has a pool AND Aquafit classes!!  hurrayyy!!  this is a brand new 32,000 sqft facility with the largest cardio area in Western Canada.  can you say, yes please?  this is a full service gym, and i think it might be reasonably priced.  i have even found some folks on kijiji looking to transfer memberships out that are even cheaper than what they are charging now.  so i think we shall look into this.  a treadmill, a pool, and a tanning facility (yes i know it is bad for me, but i love it), that's all i need.  i will let you know how this pans out.

as the one year anniversary of my engagement rapidly approaches, i am thinking it is time to try on some wedding dresses.  i thought by this time i would be down 80lbs and stoked to go try some dresses on, but instead, being down only 20 - it is not something i am looking forward to.  on a wedding forum i frequent, someone said that i shouldn't wait until i have lost the weight to try on dresses, but to try on the dresses now, in hopes that THAT will make me want to lose weight.  that, or make me ragingly homocidal, i guess.   i will give it a go.

i am so, fully, completely, ridiculously excited that camping season is almost upon us.  the long weekend is only 17 sleeps away and i am raring to go!  i have spent the last couple of days researching new campgrounds to check out and that has made me even more excited.  sadly, the majority of them are either fully booked, or have an alcohol ban in place for every single long weekend.  c'mon now, i am a responsible, mature, semi-alcoholic and i like to drink boxed wine around the campfire.  don't penalize me for that!

so...we are going into the back country and are REALLY roughing it.  no flush toilets, no showers.  just us, the mountains, the river, and a hole in the ground.  BRING IT ON!  we are going to be dirty.  we are going to be cold.  but we will have a blast, i'm sure.  i am just hoping it doesn't snow like the last two times we went camping.  please mother nature - work with us here.

Non Scale Victory

..instead of having a Jumbo Freezie, i had a glass of Crystal Lite.

that is all.

go me :)

*deep breath out*

so, i went for some bloodwork on Saturday as the doctor wanted to check out a few things.  i got a call lastnight to say the doctor wanted to see me.

it startled me a bit, as i am used to lab results taking over a week to process..so i got in the car and went right to the walk-in clinic to get my results.  having to wait 2 hours sure beats worrying about it for days.

so many possibilities were running through my head:  pregnancy, fertility problems, PCOS, kidney problems...as the doc tested for a wide range of things.

turns out, it is just my old thyroid.  i am on meds, but apprently they just need to be upped - phew!  hopefully this increase in meds will help out the weight loss efforts a bit, as i feel like my weight hasn't budged in so long (even when i am completely OP).

i have to go back for more bloodwork at the end of june, to make sure that the increase in my dose was sufficient.  nothing to worry about at all!

phew!

..a little ray of sunshine

so here we are on Monday.  my points reset on Friday, and i am already at -7 for my weekly points.

it's gonna be one of THOSE weeks, is it?

we ate out and ate too much crap on the weekend, so i know where i went wrong.  from shawarma and roasted poatatoes to pho and springrolls - i just went overboard.

you would think i would be raring to go to earn myself some activity points to counteract this deficit, but i am not.  you would think i would be planning a low point dinner as to not further damage my points count, but i am not.  you would think i would just pour the already opened bottle of wine down the drain since i don't have the points for it anyhow, but i will not.

i am not good at saying NO to myself, unless it involves something that is actually good for me, it seems.  i suck.

in non-weight loss news...my wedding invitations came in the mail today.  they are a little ghetto.  i know i took the risk going through a discount type company, but i am a little disappointed.  they will get the job done, i just hope i am not judged poorly for them.  they are pretty, the finishes are just lacking.  when you go into wedding planning with a non existant budget, these things happen.

..at this rate i am not even going to fit into a wedding dress.  smarten up, pamela.

i was doing so well..

so, i am bummed today.

my mood has been great since the weekend and i really thought that things were looking up, but then i got a bit of a blow to the goodness this morning.

i got an email from one of my bridesmaids today saying that she can no longer commit to standing up with me.  i know it is a lot to ask of someone to stand up with you at a destination wedding, so i kind of felt this coming.  i didn't know who it was going to be, but i had a feeling that at least one person would be backing out.

i am not mad, or angry about it.  i am just sad.  this is a very good friend - a kindred spirit even.  she has helped me find out what i want in life and has encouraged me to live out my dreams, and i am just really sad that she won't be there to stand up with me.

she said that the possibility of her coming to the wedding is still a possibility, but when the odds of her NOT being able to come are so high, she didn't want to still be counted in as a bridesmaid and end up letting me down.  a noble one she is.

so i have been poopie and mopey (and several other sad dwarf sounding names) all day and i can't shake it.  i am trying to convince myself to go out for a walk in the sunshine, but i am not an easy sell.

**insert several minutes of self talk and reflection**

..and off for a walk i go.

chinese market pics

fresh scallops

clams

dungeness crab

huge crabbies

market-man fishing for a customer

freakishly large king crab

turtle, turtle

these shrimp were as big as my hand!

blue crab trying to escape!

now that's more like it!

so here we are, another Monday - and i feel fan-diddly-tastic!  how unlikely!

i feel totally re-energized after this weekend.  i think i just needed a sleep in, spend some time with C and get some sunshine on my skin.

we had a really nice weekend.  saturday was spent grocery shopping (oh. my. god. $450 for two people?) and crossing a few things off the to-do list at the registry (which ended up being a comedy of errors).

it seriously took us 4 tries to actually get stuff done at the registry:

Take #1 - we get to the registry parking lot and realize that we left the new proof of car insurance at home.  so we went home to get it.

Take #2 - in line at the registry, we realize that C did not bring a proof of address.  we leave the line and get back in the car, only to realize that the proof of insurance we just retrieved has the new address on it.  get back in line at the registry. 

Take #3 - we actually get to the desk, and C signs all the paperwork to change his stuff...and his debit card doesn't work.  girl behind the desk is pissy.  we say we will be right back and walk to the bank at the other end of the plaza, she voids all paperwork and chucks it. 

Take #4 - back to registry.  lineup is three times as long as it was originally was, but we have cash in hand and all documentation and finally get tasks accomplished.  what a gong show.

after that craziness we treated ourselves to lunch at a place that has intrigued us since we saw it, but we had never been to.  it is called Mucho Burrito: Fresh Mexican Grill.  basically, it is like Subway or Pita Pit for mexican food!  they make AMAZING burritos where you choose your size, meat and toppings and it is awesome.  so fresh, so good, and such friendly staff.   AND they have their nutritional info online!  a perfect combination!

saturday evening we just watched the Habs game, ate a little sushi, cuddled on the couch and watched Slumdog Millionaire.

on Sunday we got up and out and went for Dim Sum at a place that has had pretty good reviews.  C ordered his usual chicken feet, tripe and grossness and practically climaxed at the table.  the best Dim Sum he has had - and he has had a lot.  it was very fresh and reasonably priced and i thought it was okay.  he will probably try to drag me there every weekend.  not so points friendly when you accidently order deep-fried noodles.

we then wandered around the asian supermarket and saw some really awesome stuff.  their seafood section was huge and AMAZING and we got a fabulous deal on some beef tenderloin.  a vacuum sealed bag of fresh (not frozen) tenderloin that would be about $30-$40 at the grocery store was $17!!  and we also picked up some frozen crab claw meat.  about 50 crabs worth of claw meat for $7.99.  craziness!  it was a fantastic shop and we had fun checking out all the new and crazy stuff.

it was a weekend full of regular old mundane activities, but we enjoyed ourselves.  and here we are, back to Monday.

i woke up this morning determined to get fully, 100% back on track with positive thinking.  i joined the Endless Summer challenge on the GDT and have decided that i WILL be under 220 by the end of the summer.  that is SO doable.  that is less than 1.5lbs per week, easy peasy (ha!).  i am not usually one for goal making, but i find this mini-goal to be something that is completely achievable for me.  i have a fridge and freezer full of great food and there is no reason i can't do that.

i want to start trying on wedding dresses by the end of the summer and i feel like i will feel capable of doing that (without wanting to slit my wrists) once i am under 220.  that is familiar territory to me.  before i ballooned to 265, i had never been over 218...so once i am back around there again, i will feel MUCH more in control of my weight and my life.

i have no need to be 125lbs.  i would be content at under 200lbs.  i would be ecstatic to be 175lbs.  i can so make this happen.

so, kidlets - that is all for now.  i feel like i have written a novel.  but it feels good to be excited about what this journey has in store for me.

happy monday!

xox

let the sunshine in...

..and face it with a grin.

i am feeling a bit more positive about things today.  getting out of bed was still a challenge, but it is friday and i think that has lit a small fire under me.

i joined two weight loss challenges today.  one is on the Destination Wedding message board i frequent, and the other is on the GDT.  i think anything to keep me accountable and feeling competetive about my losses is a good thing.

C also picked up a few groceries on the way home from work lastnight which means i can get back to my regular delicious breakfasts (which really helps me to stay on track i think)....so i have a few things in my corner today.

work is still quiet and depressing, but i should be using this time to get some advertising together.  people aren't going to call me randomly, i have to start looking for them.  i need to stop sitting back and hoping that things will fall into my lap.

today was my weigh-in day and i came in at 245.5lbs.  not great, but not terrible either.  i need to get below that 243 again and it will be smooth sailing i think.  i have been contemplating what kind of exercise i might actually look forward to - and i think i need to track down an aquafit class or something.  i am a total water baby, and i think i would really enjoy that.  it sucks not having anyone to go with, but maybe i would make friends.  i will look into this today.

i would love to get back into running, but i am so heavy i think i might hurt myself, so i will wait until i am down a few more pounds.

it is going to be a gorgeous day and a gorgeous weekend (19-20C) so i hope to get out there and enjoy it with C.  no sitting on the couch for us!

thank you friday for putting a smile on my face!

just call me Negative Nelly.

well, i have been a bit of a downer lately - and i am afraid that today is not going to change that.  i have a whole lot of "woe is me" thoughts to get out today.

the last thing a blog reader wants to read constantly read about how crappy someone feels, so if you are looking for a pick me up, just close out the window and move on your way.

i had trouble getting out of bed again today and i still don't know why.  i had trouble even opening my eyes.  i finally got myself out of bed, looked at my naked self, got on the scale, sighed, looked at my naked self again and started to freak out.

this whole weight loss thing is not working out for me.  i am scared that it is never going to work for me.  it is like i don't want it badly enough, but i also want it so badly at the same time.  i have said it before, and i will say it again - i am not getting married in this body.

i feel like i still need to find that magic program that works for me.  i remember when i was on Herbal Magic and i wanted so badly to get back onto WW, because there was so much freedom.  i could eat pretty much what i wanted and just needed to count these little points?  NO PROBLEM!

then why, when i am in the midst of it, does it seem like an impossibility?  WW is not difficult.  there is tons of freedom to eat whatever i want, i just need to watch portions.  you would think that would be a dream come true - but i am struggling.  i am eating way better than i was when i put this weight on, but still it won't budge.

i try my best to practice positive thinking and manifestation for the things i want, but for this last week i just feel like i will never ever be able to lose all of this weight and keep it off.  no wonder i am struggling.. with a thought process like that.

so i have to try and figure out how to change that.  in the fall i went to a hypnosis seminar and bought hundreds of dollars in CDs to listen to - and i can't even manage that!  i can't manage to lay in bed for a half hour and think good thoughts and relax?  jesus woman, a size 8 body isn't going to fall out of the sky!  i have to actually put forth some effort here, but that seems to be the problem.  i have no effort to give.

i am not looking for pity and a "there, there, you will lose the weight"...i am merely just trying to get  this crap thought process out there and figure out how to make it all work for me.

i am still feeling clueless.

busy doing nothing

i wish i had a couch in my office and i could just curl up in front of the space heater and nap the afternoon away.

i am still feeling unreasonably tired and unmotivated.  i can barely get myself out of bed, and then i flop into my office chair and have zero drive to do anything.  it is always when i am in these moods that i start second guessing my career decision.

the decision to start my travel business came with a lot of coercing from C.  he just thought it was the best idea in the world.  he loves the idea of me being able to stay home and work and not be out driving the crazy streets of calgary.  he likes having a home business so we can write off a lot of stuff (which certainly doesn't hurt) and he likes the idea that i can be kind of home with the kidlets when we start popping them out.

i, however, had reservations from the beginning.  i left the travel world really jaded and disliking the job.  i got sick of answering the same questions all of the time.  i don't know why i thought this time around would be different.  i also feel like getting into a home business when you have freshly moved to a new town isn't the greatest idea.  i have almost zero opportunity to meet people and be social, AND there is not a whole lot of money coming in which has us living off of credit cards.  it is just not a pretty picture.

it has only been 3 and a half months, so i am certainly not going to call it quits quite yet, but i think i regret the decision almost every day.

it actually isn't the job situation that has me feeling glum - but it gets to be the punching bag.  i really don't know what else is up.  PMS maybe?  my cycle is so effed up, i have no idea when to expect it anymore, so maybe that's it and maybe it's not.

the doctor at the walk-in clinic i visited lastweek (for a Rx refill) is actually sending me for some hormonal testing since my periods have been so wonky.  she mentioned PCOS which scares the bejeesus out of me, but i won't panic until i know more.  maybe my thyroid meds just need to be upped.

anyhow, i have a lot more doing nothing to do, so i better get on that.

my poor liver.

i have felt like a zombie since getting back from Penticton - but lordy did we have fun.

it was the first time C had met my extended family and he loves them.  he said it was the best wedding he had ever been to, and he already misses everyone.  i love that.  i love that he thinks they are awesome, and that they all think he is awesome too.  i can't even count how many people came up to me to say how great they think C is and what a cute couple we are.   awww, bless.

so here we are, back in cold, snowy cowtown and we are having trouble getting back into routine.  i didn't overeat while we were gone and actually managed to lose a few pounds, but as soon as we got home - i wanted to eat the pantry door.

so, i have been struggling to stay on plan.  i have been snacking on all of the naughty roadtrip snacks we bought and didn't finish (including cherry blasters, punjabi mix and mini-eggs) and have been eating spaghetti like it is going out of style.

you would think that all of the terrible pictures of me being posted around facebook by family members would do the trick and make me want to fast for 30 days - but alas, food is just too damn good.

so, for the rest of the week i will be trying to hop back on that wagon.  i am just hoping not to do a faceplant in the process.

xox

..and she's off!

we are off to Penticton bright and early (dark and early?) tomorrow morning! 

our plan is to be out of the house by 5am - so we will probably be out of the house by 5:30am, and then stop for coffee and not actually leave town until 6am.  oh the joys of living with a sexy beast who takes longer to get ready than me.

i am taking my laptop with me, so you might even get an update.

cross your fingers for sunny skies and wildlife sightings!!

have a great weekend!

xox

i'm...too sexy for my jammies.

god i look hot right now.

no bra, 3 day old blue tshirt, black pioneer covered pyjama pants and 4 inch (damp) heels.  hubba hubba.

i have just finished some cleaning around the house in preparation for our trip to BC this weekend.  my bestie's sister is cat-sitting for us, and my dad and stepmom will be coming back with us to check out our Calgary digs, so things need to be in tip top shape!  oh, and the heels - i am trying to stretch them out.

that is one thing that BITES about being 80lbs heavier than your former high-heel wearing self...your feet just can't take the torture!  but lord, they really are cute.

as mentioned last time, my eating has not exactly been on par with where it should be - but it has also been worse.  what makes me feel better, however, is knowing that many of you bloggy ladies are struggling as much as i am.  we can get this done ladies, we just have to figure out what works for us and focus.

i have pondered the Core/Simply Filling plan, but i don't know if that will work for me.  and i have pondered just working on eating healthy, and not counting points (but i think my weight will quickly skyrocket)...so here i am, a slave to the etools.

i have been pretend counting today (keeping track in my head), but i can pretty certainly say that i won't be counting when i go away.  my only conscious efforts will be to not eat cheesies all the way to the border.  they are my roadtrip weakness. 

maybe i will take those 14 hours in the car to have a heart to heart with myself about how to make this all work for me.  sound good, self?  sounds good.